In my past article, A Lot Can Happen in A Year, I explained how my life has changed for the better in a year by the grace of God. I didn't paint the full picture neither did I share with you My Confession which is the piece that I wrote on September 25th, 2017 as my eyes were opened and decided to follow Jesus.
Like I have mentioned in some past articles, everything happened at Converge which is a three days retreat for young adults. On the second day of Converge, the sermon spoke to me. Pastor Tom looked into Daniel 3, but what was interesting and that caught my attention was his illustration. He started making a pyramid of the different idols that we can have in our lives, and every single one of them was in my life. He defined the idols in our lives as anything we put above God and believe that we cannot live without. At that moment, if I was not new to Kentucky I would have thought that someone put all my business out there, but it was God doing His job in love and calling me home to Him.
I was just in tears I don't know what exactly I was crying for because everything was just too much at that moment. Then after the sermon, someone went to talk and say if you have something on your heart don't leave the room without talking about it with someone, then I started crying even more because I feel like he was talking to me as if the sermon was not enough. So, then I went to a friend of mine and I don't remember what I told her, she then asked me," do you want to talk about it?", I don't remember what I told her, all I know is that she started to pray with me.
On the third day which is the day we were leaving, the U of L BCM minister had a reflection time with us. He told us "whatever happened here this weekend if you don't do anything about it when you get home, it was just your emotions because if it is real there is no way you will not do anything about it." As you can imagine, I was thinking "what is wrong with these people, why won't they stop talking to me?" He said one last thing that I knew that I had to do right away " there is no such thing as I don't have time because we make time for everything that is important to us, so make time for God if He is important to you, stay close to your Bible because the enemy is always trying to stay close to us."
The big news is that I didn't go to Kentucky with my Bible which explain how far I was from the word. I planned to stay in Kentucky for five months to a year, and my Bible was the last thing that I thought about packing. At that moment, I knew I had to do something about it, so I ordered a Bible on eBay the minute I had phone service.
You would think that after everything that happened, I would make the decision right then and there. No! I was still being a rebel against God, but I had these feelings that I couldn't express. When I got home, I feel like I was having a flashback of my whole life, I was full of guilt. I felt like I deserved a lot of the things that happened to me, I was thinking about ways to make things right, I couldn't sleep, I had all type of things going through my mind.
I still had no idea what was happening to me, I was in the light but still in the dark, until I was led to read
2 Corinthians 7:9-11 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.
While I was at converge, a lot of people talked about how God speak to them through scriptures, but I couldn't relate because I didn't really read my Bible, to begin with. That day was the first day that I experienced this so clearly. I was sorrowful, but I didn't fully understand what was going on. But, God knew it all, not only did He put into words the meaning of what I was going on in my heart, but He also told me what to do about it. The picture was painted so clear that there was no way I could have missed it. I accepted the invitation that God was making and I made the decision on September 25th, 2017. He was right there waiting for me with arms wide open welcoming me into His kingdom and I wrote this.
I am finally admitting that my whole life I thought I was a Christian by knowing that the Lord exists and Jesus Christ came down and died for our sins, but now after Converge I am asking myself do I really have a relationship with God intimately, and the answer is NO. That doesn't mean that I haven't been believing it simply means that I haven't been living for the Glory of God only. I haven't been following Him with my whole heart. My soul is not black nor white, I've been caught up in the middle serving with my half self. I've been taking control of my life, I've been doing things for my own glory.
I haven't been living by the word and for the word. I've been using my body as it is my own, I've been letting myself surrounded by the wrong people for the wrong reasons, I've been pleasing society instead of God. And this is my wake-up Call. Lord I want to take it one day at a time into changing my life but I can't do it without you. Please show me the way, come to my life, take control of my life, for you are my only God.
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