I have dreamt about you but I do not dream about you.
I wish one day I will wake up and have the memory of you, daddy. I wake up all the time and I have dreamt of Colton and Collin. Yet I do not ever dream of you. I wish I knew what it was like to dream of you.
I do not know what it was like with you in my life. I will never know what it is like to have you in my life and to grow up with you. I just wish you would come in my dreams. I will never have the things many other girls have. I won't have you walk me down the aisle or clean your guns when you meet my boyfriend. I will not have you be there to say yes to the man I am going to marry, but first you would bust his balls. I wish you would just show up in my dreams. Maybe one day you will.
But I dream of my friends that pass. I dream that they are still there then I wake up and for a split second they are still alive for me. But daddy you never show up. I wish you would. I wish you would be there to just tell me you love me and that everything is okay. I wish you would tell me that you are proud of me and where I am going. I am always so nervous that I am not making you proud. I wish you would show up and tell me. I have joined the Army, I have almost finished my associates degree, I have met an amazing man, I have decided to be a psychologist, I have done so much yet you are not here. I wish you were here to tell me that you are proud of me. I miss you more than anything.
I just want you to show up in my dreams. To tell me you are happy that I am working hard, that you are proud of everything that I have done and will accomplish, and most importantly that you love me. I never remember hearing those words, I never will hear those words. Yet I just wish you would tell me.
Forever your baby girl,