To My Dad Who Left

To My Dad Who Left

It still hurts.
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Dear Dad,

Father's Day just passed and I couldn't help but to think about you. When surfing social media I was accosted by status after status and too many pictures of fathers and their children. These told happy stories about how much their fathers meant to them and how grateful these children were to have them. I would be lying if I said that it didn't break my heart that we don't have any happy pictures together, or really any pictures for that matter. This one from my freshman year prom is about it.

I'd be lying if I said that these posts on social media didn't ignite a small fire of jealousy in my heart. How do you wish someone a happy Father's Day when they walked out of your life? No phone number, no address, and deleted on Facebook, I was left with nothing. I thought that this hatred towards you would pass eventually, but you kept adding fuel to the fire. You walked out after the biggest heartbreak I've ever had to experience, the death of my Grandpa. There was no warning, no explanation. You left without even telling your children that you loved them. How could someone do that? We were already hurting and you made it worse. Months passed before we heard anything from you and even then there was no explanation. I heard through the grapevine that you were shacking up with my best friend from middle school, way to go dad. You weren't there for us when Great Grandpa died or when Great Grandma died. You weren't there for me when a man broke my heart the same way you did, by leaving. You weren't there to see your youngest child learn to read.

You weren't there when your middle child got engaged and recently found out he himself is going to be a dad. You weren't there when I got published for my writing. You weren't there when your oldest son needed you to tell him that he wasn't a failure. Instead of having common decency to personally tell your children that you were engaged, you added us into a group message on Facebook. The moral of the story is that you, dad, are a coward. I don't need to live my life trying to please you anymore. I'll never be daddy's little princess and you'll never have the chance to walk me down the isle. Despite all of the negativity of this article, I have one positive. Thank you for showing us that we are better off without you. Thank you for showing my mom how strong she truly is, and thank you for proving that I don't need a man in my life.

Sincerely,

Someone you used to know

Cover Image Credit: Facebook

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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What Rescuing a Dog Taught Me About My Future

She was a real pain to begin with, but I wouldn't give her up for the world now.

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My first dog came from a breeder to us when he was just a puppy. I was in third grade so we were both young together. I remember stepping off of the bus and seeing him curled up in my mom's arms. His breed, a Cavalier King Charles, is a highly sought after dog for their small size and beautiful markings. However, dog breeding can lead to medical complications down the line. Heart murmurs are very frequent as cavaliers get older. When he turned 9 years old, they were already detecting the beginning of a heart murmur in him. But my second dog didn't come to us in quite the same way.

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At the time, I was in my junior year of high school and still thinking about the idea of becoming a veterinarian. She helped me decide to go for it, and now I'm in college and getting ready to apply for veterinary school. Willow has become part of our family, and her funny and unique personality fit right in with us.

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