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To The Dad Who Quit Loving Me

This has been two years overdue, but I needed to get it off my chest.

Shelbs

Nov 12, 2018

Mississippi State University

641

https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-with-two-kids-near-body-of-water-1157398/

I'll be honest, just looking for a picture to head this article makes me choke up. I know that I am supposed to be over it- given that I'm 22 and life goes on, but dang it, I'm hurting in ways I can't fully express because you decided that I wasn't worth sticking around.

I wonder how you were able to manage 18 years of me "griping, complaining, and being needy" before you decided to skip out. I wonder how you could leave us on Christmas Day with all the family money.

I wonder how you never asked me how college was going or even how I was taking care of myself- you just asked me about sports. How Dak was doing this week. But most of all I wonder how you could walk away from my 18-year journey to make you proud. Clearly, we had different definitions of what proud is.

I want you to know that there are no daddy issues here, though. You leaving was honestly the best thing that could have happened to me. When you left Mom, Baylee, and I banded together like never before. You consolidated us in a way that your presence ever could. Because you created a void in me, I could finally step into myself. I want you to know that you will not be there for my college graduation, you will not be there for the birth of my children or my wedding. You haven't earned that.

I know that all of this is coming out scorned and upset and quite literally just angry, but here is the thing- I am just so disappointed. I am disappointed that you cannot seem to understand what I offer as a child and I feel sad for you that you don't get to experience my life. Because here is the thing- in the past four years Mom and I have built a beautiful life. We saved the properties from foreclosure, I am succeeding in school, I joined a sorority, and my life Is overall amazing. That's on me. Not you. Every time I send you a text, I just want you to know that I am not asking for your affection or approval or whatever you seem to think it might be. At the end of the day, I guess I actually should be thanking you for ruining me, leveling my life down to the cinderblocks. Because that is is what made me who I am. It made me a woman. It showed me how to rely on myself. Most importantly it taught me that I am enough. With or without you.

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To The Dad Who Quit Loving Me

This has been two years overdue, but I needed to get it off my chest.

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!