So if you have ever watched the legendary episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia, titled “The D.E.N.N.I.S. System,” you are most likely familiar with this scheme that allegedly provokes so many eligible ladies into "falling in love” with Dennis Reynolds. If you haven't heard of it, Urban Dictionary defines it as, "a fool proof system enabling men to obtain a woman's undying love, accompanied by life love devotion (if the man so desires)." I decided to create "The D.E.N.I.S.E. System" to counter this absurdity and make boys fall in love with any chick that attempts to try it.*
Without further ado…
...[drumroll plz]
Don’t seem interested
Everyone knows playing hard to get is the only way to get someone interested in you. And like the long-known saying goes, everyone wants what they can’t have. Some suggestions on how to play this tricky game is to ignore his calls and texts, don’t smile a lot and give him very little to absolutely no attention.
Elevate the B’s (boobs and booty)
Hello, a hot body is the best revenge so obviously its also the best way to attract someone to you…right? Who needs a personality when you have a great physique? Nobody that's who. Go to the gym and get those B’s elevated to sizzling perfection. The goal? Definitely Barbie-esque, because that is easily attainable and totally normal and every man's ideal, duh.
Naughty and Nice
Play the game, woman. You can’t always be too sweet and you can’t always be too mean, you’ve got to keep things spicy and mix it up. Have attitude, (aka a total, hormonal, PMSing b****) Maybe have a couple guys fighting over you at once, and that should really do the trick. The less available you are, the better.
Invite over
Now that you’ve got him all confused with your hot body and mysterious personality, show him how domestic you can be and invite him over for a meal. If you can’t cook, order out and pretend you made it because a bad meal could be the end of a wonderful thing, and we don't want that. There's a reason they say women belong in the kitchen.
Seduce Minimally
Slap on some makeup, bat those eyelashes and work your magic. But keep it real PG, you don’t want to come off too promiscuous on the chance that he will judge you based on that, the best guys are definitely the ones who hold women to a double standard, of course.
Elope
Finally, ask him to elope and I promise you he will never want to leave your side. It’s like giving a dog a bone, they can’t help but be attracted to clingy, psychotic women who want to get married and pop some kiddos out ASAP (like every college girl in the world, amirite?). Its not like girls could ever want to just hang out with a guy for the sake of hanging out, they definitely just want the D (for diamonds).
Try out The D.E.N.I.S.E. System this V-day and see how it works out for ya, I'm sure it'll end with a proposal.
*There is quiet likely no chance that this system will help land any man and if it does, you may want to question his taste. My suggestion? Be yourself, because you're perfect the way you are ;) there is no system out there that will make a guy fall in love with you, and there is no one woman out there that is perfect, because we ALL already are for being strong women. In a world full of oppression and absurd and unrealistic messages spoon fed to us by the media, let's celebrate our differences. Be proud of the woman you are, whatever shape and size you may be and whatever personality, opinion and background you may have. Don't strive to please someone else and in the process, dismiss your own needs and wants. Best of luck and remember to love yourself first.
