There's always those people that laugh and say they'll end up with 30 cats, dogs, or any animal really. For me, it was seven horses and a herd of cattle. I could honestly still end up with a herd of cattle and some horses and be completely fine.
But that's not really what I want.
I come off as this cynical, asshole girl who only uses guys. Which, I'm afraid, is very true. I don't really believe in love. I get awkward around couples that are all lovey-dovey and what not. I don't know what to do when a guy is actually caring and nice, so I run. I hate Nicholas Sparks movies because nothing like that is ever going to happen. Especially not to me.
But beneath all of that, I just really want someone to love. I guess that's what everyone's looking for, isn't it? Somebody to love.
On my bookshelf, you can find a wide array of books. The Harry Potter series, Hunger Games, everything written by Ellen Hopkins, and even the Series of Unfortunate Events series still has his spot. Between the books about teenage addiction, eating disorders, and mysteries, there's those few young adult books about love. Those probably get the most attention.
I sit and get lost in a 400-page book because it's most likely about how I wanted high school to be. I never really had that "first love" in high school. I had the guy that strung me along for a few years before I finally gave up on him. Or the state champion wrestler that stared at my ass and didn't talk to me until I moved to a different state and he ended up overseas. Now, I just want to know what it's like to be wanted. Not just physically either.
It's so much more than that, though. I want someone that drives me insane. Someone that cuts me off with a kiss when I'm trying to argue with them. I want someone that can see the faint lines of my scars and know how horrible my past was but still accept me for it. Someone that'll dance around with me, no matter where we are.
I want whatever Thomas and Lauren Akins have. I want to be the star of someone's show. No, I don't always want to be their first priority. I just want to know that they will drop everything and run to me if it was an emergency.
But in this day and age, it's so hard. At 22, I'm not exactly ready to settle down but I want something serious. I want someone to only have eyes on me. Right now that seems too much to ask. All the invites to "visit" someone in other towns or the guys that start talking to you at about 1:30 because they haven't found anyone else in the bar is getting old. At this point, if I leave the bar with a guy, it's one of my good friends. All I really want is that guy that'll remind me to drink water after every few drinks and cuddle with my drunk self after going home.
And after all that, I guess I'm not really that cynical girl after all.
