If you have ever watched a reality show or been to high school, you understand the concept of “the villain”. This sinister character could take the form of the micromanaging boss that you and your coworkers like to vent about to get through the day. They could even manifest as a highly-edited Bachelor contestant who looks at someone sideways and is suddenly an evil, calculating caricature of a human. Villains are everywhere, and they are usually at least partially imagined (it’s a spectrum…there are definitely some genuinely terrible people out there. Looking at you, Trump.)
We need someone to villainize because it’s human nature. This happens for a combination of reasons. Often, people just enjoy the drama because it breaks up the monotony of their lives. Though, I think the underlying reason is really that people need something to compare their own behavior to in order to convince themselves that they are morally good. This might come as a surprise if you were one of those people, but no one is all good or all bad. We all have some balance of dark and light, and you can’t have the good aspects without the bad.
What we tend to forget is that we are active participants in the lives of others. People will so willingly point the finger and identify someone as bad without stopping to check themselves first. We all reflect each other, and different people will awaken different beasts within you.
That's why we need to learn to cut the villain some slack. Whether it's us (because let's face it, we have all been villainized) or someone around us who is getting the brunt of the hate, it is important to be able to see all sides.
Here are some tips for approaching this scenario with compassion and understanding.
1. If someone needs to see the bad in you, let them.
Maybe you've become the antagonist in someone else's story. I recommend thinking back to a conflict you've had in the past. At the time, you probably got very wrapped up and weren't able to see every side: but I'm sure eventually when the smoke cleared, you could start to identify your wrongdoings too. People are allowed to make mistakes. If someone is focused on your bad qualities, it really means that they are working things out with themselves. You don't need to prove to anyone that those good qualities exist, everyone will see what they want. When you choose to see the best qualities in people, they will always be reflected back to you.
2. Speak nothing but good.
With that said, you have the power to seek out the good in others and shut down any negativity. If you truly look at the world as one big reflection of yourself, this becomes easier to do. Have you ever been around someone who had nothing but bad things to say about everyone they knew? I'm sure you walked away from that interaction with more of an opinion about the person than whoever they were talking about. Don't believe everything you hear about someone, there is always another side.
3. Keep the balance in min.
One of the positive aspects of being viewed as a villain by your peers is that you come to see when the focus is shifted to someone else and sympathize with them. We’ve all been in the position where we felt that someone had it out for us. It can be hard to see past this, but people are complicated. You never know the whole story or the context of someone’s life. The best thing you can do is be kind and forgiving.
4. Stay at peace
You are only responsible for your own actions. Have clear intentions for the energy you put into the world, rather than getting sucked into the negative energies around you. You get to choose what you pay attention to, and attention is the only thing that gives their words power.
If you find yourself in the position of being the bad guy, just remember it’s part of life. Though there is a negative connotation to being a “villain”, there are positive aspects to it as well. Ultimately, it makes you stronger, more self-reliant and more compassionate. If you learn from the experience, I guarantee you that someday you’ll be the hero another villain needs.
