Friendship is complicated. It seems simple, but it's really not. Some friendships are engulfed in competition, jealousy, and condescendence. These traits aren't always out in the open. They can be passive aggressive and more behind the scenes. To all the friends I've lost, thank you for teaching me the valuable lesson of self-sufficiency. In the end, no one's got your back like you got your back.
I was never one to want a million and one friends surrounding me. I always liked to keep my circle small. But sometimes, people surprise you. You think that your friend will be by your side no matter what. That they will be loyal to you and know how to prioritize you in times of need. That they will be the friend that you've always been to them. Unfortunately, not everyone is so noble.
Some switch sides depending on which is more convenient to them. Some use you and pretend to be a friend, but really they don't want much to do with you. I've dealt with them all. The worst part is when you think they will be there for you through thick and thin, but in reality, they couldn't care less.
To all the friends I've lost, I'm happy I met you. You taught me how to cut people like you off from my life. You taught me how to distance myself from negativity. You taught me that if I'm not satisfied with a friendship, I do not have to stay in it. As much as realizing all this stung me a little, cutting you off was so much more refreshing. People in my life will come and go — thankfully I've learned how to let certain people go when necessary. I've learned that some people do not deserve my friendship.
I don't ever wish anything bad for my past friends, I've made some good memories with them that I'll always remember. However, my life is much better without them. I'm surrounded by people who actually wish well for me. Friends and family who don't look down on me. Friends who aren't envious of me. Most of all, I've learned how to depend on myself before I depend on someone else. I know how to be happy alone.
I know it's difficult to confront someone or your feelings about that person and somehow deal with it. Just know that cutting off toxic people from your life is SO WORTH IT. They may or may not have bad intentions, but if they've hurt you enough, your mental health is much more important than them. Not being used and being treated with mutual respect is much more important than them. Don't indulge in their bullshit; put yourself first.
