I've been a crybaby my whole life. I've probably raised the sea level by an inch over my life just by bawling. Half the time, there's not even a reason for my tears, besides the simple fact that I am sensitive--a fact that few people ever seemed to understand. In third grade, a boy in my class turned to me and asked, quite seriously, "Why are you such a crybaby?"
Naturally, my answer was to bawl even harder. But back then, you could pin it on me being a kid. Now I spend half my life fighting back tears with a vengeance, hiding how easy it is for me to break. Because it's one thing to cry when you're upset for a real reason. It's one thing to joke about crying over everything you've got going on. But my biggest fear is crying in front of people, because then comes the question, "What's wrong?"
What's wrong? Okay, you don't want me to answer that. Because the honest answer, nine times out of ten, is something absurd.
1. A small muscle in Dean Winchester's jaw just twitched in a really emotional way.
I wasn't prepared for the feels of a character's subtle turmoil.
2. I looked you in the eye too long.
The intensity of your naked soul overwhelmed me.
3. I just thought of something cosmic.
And sad. I need a minute to pull myself from the depths of the universe--excuse me.
4. I embarrassed myself in public.
Probably no one else noticed. But I did, which is all that I need.
5. A teacher talked to me privately.
There was eye contact. They mentioned my shortcomings. I'm still in emotional distress over it.
6. I was unfairly assaulted with the question, "Are you doing okay?"
I was doing just fine until you asked, actually. Now I'm curled up in a pool of my own tears.
7. Actually, I'm really happy.
I just don't know how to handle it except by tearing up.
8. I just remembered something moderately embarrassing or upsetting that happened ten years ago.
Time did not take the sting away. Repeat: time did not take the sting away.
9. They played four notes of Hedwig's Theme in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.
Nostalgia is high on the list of things that are my kryptonite.
10. Actually, I just blushed so hard that the heat brought tears to my eyes.
I'm caught in a vicious cycle of shyness and sensitivity.
11. I murdered an innocent creature of God and the guilt is eating me alive.
More specifically, I accidentally stepped on an ant.
12. I just haven't cried in way too long. I've been bottling it up and I need to let it out.
It's been a whole four days since I last shed a tear.
I'm happy to know there are so many people who worry over a person who's crying--but to be honest, it's the incessant No, really, what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong are you okay are you okay are you okay that makes me afraid to cry around you. It makes me feel like a burden. So the best thing you can do for sensitive people is 1.) don't make them afraid of showing their own emotions and 2.) learn the difference between real tears and throwaway ones. Here's a hint: real ones last longer. If I'm still upset ten minutes later, it's okay to ask me if I'm really all right. Otherwise, just support me while I tear up over flattening a flower with my bike.
