Growing up, English was the scariest language I had come across even though it was and is my mother tongue. Being raised by a second--English speaker, my English was not the best. In elementary school, instead of attending regular English classes, two other students and I were taken out of the class and study grammar in ESL (English Speaking Language). My mom sometimes came to visit and support me in class. She often asked my and my brother's teachers on how they taught their classes so she could help us improve our English. Whenever I opened my mouth, some people wouldn't understand what I was trying to say or asked my mom to "translate" what I meant.
In a sense, I felt ashamed that my English wasn't like other kids in school. Everyone spoke English very well and they could understand each other. Hearing them speak I wanted to hide in my house and talk to myself. My mom wanted me to speak English since we live in United States. She also hoped if I spoke English well enough that I could help communicate with her on difficult words that she couldn't understand.
Since then, I was scared of anything involving English. Writing essays, editing grammar, and speaking in front of people was nerve-wrecking to me. The thought of studying ABCs and expected to speak that language scared me to a point where I imagined myself digging into my throat and ripping out my vocal chords. When I got to middle school, I took special ed classes on English and math instead of going to advanced classes like other students. I continued going to special ed classes until I became a junior in high school. Even though I was able to take regular English classes like everyone else, I was still hesitant to use them. When I got into college, I was introduced to a poetry class. Creative writing opened a door of playing with the language. Using metaphors, learning ways to create beautiful sentences, and working in a career messing with English excited me. Poetry gave me a challenge to face my fears and pen down my feelings.
After the poetry class, I started writing fiction, non--fiction, articles, and more poetry. I had two poems published including a Canadian--based online literary magazine called Baldhip Magazine. Because of Creative Writing, I'm not as afraid of my mother tongue anymore.
