March 29^th, 2016, I looked over at my roommate in the dining hall as he was confronted with the decision of a lifetime. It's a decision that we often face daily. Nonetheless, it's also a decision that is far more difficult than what classes to take or what major to declare. It's a decision that's even harder than what school to pick. He had to try and choose between creamy or crunchy peanut butter.

Now, I am going to be honest, I don't find this decision hard. To me, there is nothing like the rich taste of a smooth PB&J. I don’t have any desire for a “crunch” in my sandwich. However, for the sake of argument, I decided to try and tackle this lifelong question objectively.

1. Cosmetic Appeal

This is, frankly, the easiest of the questions to answer. My bias isn’t even necessary. Creamy peanut butter looks far better than crunchy peanut butter. It just takes just one glance at the smooth curves of a scoop of creamy peanut butter to understand its beauty. Crunchy peanut butter is, simply put, ugly. It looks like a glob of brown bumps. It has no symmetry and no beautiful, round edges. Instead, crunchy peanut butter is rough and lumpy. If you don’t believe me, look for yourself.

2. Spreadability

The ability to spread peanut butter on the bread of your choosing is crucial to a successful meal. No one wants the peanut butter to spread unevenly or the bread to rip mid-spread. However, this is often what you get when using crunchy peanut butter. The distribution of peanuts throughout the peanut butter is never uniform and it can be difficult to get that desired evenness across the bread. However, creamy peanut butter is made for spreading. There is just something satisfying about spreading smooth peanut butter on a soft piece of bread. It's magical.

3. Popularity

This question wasn’t as easy to answer as the previous two. First, I want to congratulate us all on an incredible accomplishment. 90 percent of Americans eat peanut butter every year. Way to go, America. We may not be able to agree on politics or the economy, but at least we can all agree that peanut butter is amazing. Through extensive research, nationalpeanutboard.org and Huffington Post discovered that 56 percent of people choose creamy over crunchy. This is especially true for women, who prefer creamy peanut butter far more than men. Like my dad says, “Women are always right.” So, once again, creamy peanut butter asserts its dominance over its crunchy counterpart.

4. Health Benefits

Alas, crunchy peanut butter finally prevails. Prevention.com examined the healthiness of each peanut butter and determined that crunchy peanut butter wins the face-off. Crunchy peanut butter has less saturated fats, a gram more fiber, and extra folates. While I’m not all too sure what folates are, their data is hard to argue with. In the end, if all that you are looking for is a healthy sandwich, crunchy peanut butter is the way to go.

While my bias is obvious and my objectivity is rightfully questionable, the answer is still clear. Creamy peanut butter wins the war. Creamy peanut butter looks better, is easier to spread, and is more popular than crunchy peanut butter. While crunchy peanut butter is better for your health, this small victory alone is not enough to crown it the King of Peanut Butter. However, even if you think that crunchy peanut butter is better—as misguided as that may be—we must remember to appreciate the great privilege that we have in being able to debate this question.

So, on behalf of all of America, I thank you, George Washington Carver. You will never be forgotten. God bless America, God bless freedom, and God bless peanut butter.