Courtney Love Killed Kurt Cobain

The calendar was created by the government. We haven’t landed on the moon. And most importantly, Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain. My life is fueled by conspiracy theories. Nothing makes me happier than dropping one of my conspiracy theories into an unrelated conversation and watching my friends squirm in disagreement.

Although my friends pose good evidence on why my conspiracy theories are blatantly false, it is just way more fun to question commonly accepted facts. After all, where would the world be if we didn’t ask questions? (S/O to Charles Darwin.) I can argue endlessly about the calendar and the moon landing, but I am much more emotionally devoted to clearing Kurt Cobain’s name while simultaneously throwing Courtney Love’s name under the bus.

Here is a little background. Kurt Cobain was the lead singer for the 1990s American rock band Nirvana. Nirvana established itself with their first independently recorded album “Bleach” with a month-long US tour. In the winter of 1991 and 1992 Nirvana signed with DGC Records and hit No. 1 on Billboard 200 with their album ‘Nevermind’. Nirvanamania swept the nation as ‘Smells like Teen Spirit’ was deemed the anthem for a generation.

A few years after Nirvana’s rise came Cobain’s fall. In April of 1994, Cobain checked himself out of rehab after self-admitting several days earlier due to drug abuse. Just seven days after Cobain’s release his deceased body was discovered in the greenhouse of his Seattle home. Many believe that Cobain’s death was self-inflicted, but I believe otherwise. Hear me out.

1. Kurt Cobain had a lot of drugs in his system at the time of his death.

And by a lot, I mean a lot. So much that the drugs would have killed him way before a shotgun to the head would of.

2. Courtney Love was in the process of filing for a divorce.

Not a big deal, other than the fact that if the divorce would have been finalized Courtney Love would have received practically no assets. But because of Kurt Cobain’s death, Courtney received all of Kurt’s premarital assets.

3. Science rules.

If you take a look at the angle of which the shotgun was fired and the trajectory of the bullet shell, it doesn’t add up. The bullet shells were found on the opposite side of the action where the cartridges are released. This means the gun would have had to of made a perfect 180-degree turn after being fired.

4. Courtney Love’s private journals were found.

Courtney was practicing Kurt's handwriting in her journal. Why was she practicing? So she could seamlessly imitate Kurt’s penmanship for a suicide note.

5. Copycat Suicides.

Shortly after Cobain’s death, there was a small increase in copycat suicides. Because of this, investigators were cornered into releasing their statement. Out of timeliness and convenience, Cobain’s death has ruled a suicide.

Once Cobain’s death was publically announced a suicide Love inherited all of Cobain and Nirvana’s estates. Additionally, Nirvana’s music sales skyrocketed, which Love benefited from. Looks to me like Ms. Love benefitted a whole lot from the sudden death of Mr. Cobain. But what do I know? Everything. I know everything. I see right through you Courtney Love. I know what you did.