A couple days ago I was walking through campus toward the shuttle home when an acquaintance of mine, walking the other direction, said hello. She asked how I was doing and I responded with an enthusiastic, "Good! How about you?" She responded "good" as well and that's where the conversation ended. Granted, we were going opposite directions, but I became conscious of the fact that the words were automatic. Normally I tend to mean those courtesy questions and I'll respond honestly, so when I found myself having said those words so robotically, I asked myself one question: did I really mean it?

In that moment, I think no. I was simply being courteous to the acquaintance to be polite and friendly. At first glance, that doesn't sound so bad, but what do we really get out of those interchanges? I've heard stories in person and online about how cultures around the world speak with each other. In some countries, nobody speaks to strangers. In others, asking "How are you?" is a more in-depth question that will get an honest answer; if things are going poorly, the answer will reflect that. These kinds of differences make me wonder why we have these ritualistic small-talk practices. Are we a "fake" or "artificial" culture? Do we say 'good' because overall we're well off by global standards? Was small-talk and courtesy at one point more authentic and it changed over time to be less honest? I don't know, but that's not what I'm here to say today.

I have a strong sense of honesty and integrity. When people ask me a question, I try very hard to always give an honest answer. This doesn't mean I'm insensitive or brutal (though sometimes I can be), it just means that I tend to say what I'm thinking. To me, artificial behavior is next to useless. What does a four line conversation do for anyone, especially when we've all had that exact same conversation with the same people time and time again? It doesn't accomplish anything unless we're willing to give honest answers and speak our mind. In the words of Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Cordelia Chase, "Tact is just not saying true stuff."

We, as a culture, tend to stigmatize honesty and the stigma must be eliminated. In my family studies classes, we've hinted at relationships and what big turn offs are. One thing that was addressed was saying too much too soon. People are scared when they meet someone new and are learning about the welfare of that person's grandfather within the first two minutes of speaking. I do understand that not everyone needs to know your life story and it can be overwhelming if done wrong, but we shouldn't be turned off by honesty. Why do you think we all have so many secrets that ruin friendships and relationships? Why is there an epidemic of depression in young people nowadays? It's because we're punishing people for being honest. Nobody wants to burden another person with their troubles because people aren't open to listen to them. We're forever stuck in this loop of being courteous because we vilify those who speak their mind.

I'm not saying this to condone rude behavior for the sake of honesty; there's a time and place for speaking the truth. Plus, it needs to come from a place of respect and love. Nobody should walk up to a fat person and say, "You need to lose weight. You're fat." But at the same time, we shouldn't completely avoid discussing obesity (especially with obese people) just because it wouldn't be courteous. Courtesy and honesty can work together; it just takes a little bit of extra effort.

So what exactly am I getting at? I don't want to make courtesy seem like a bad thing because we should all be polite and respectful. I'm saying that you can be honest and polite at the same time. When someone asks you how you're doing, give an honest answer, but not a paragraph. If you ask that question, be prepared and expect an honest answer. Be willing to listen and be compassionate too. Don't be turned off by honesty. If the person is speaking too much, it's probably for a reason more important than the minor irritation it's causing you. If you really need to go, then just politely excuse yourself. All I can say is if we, as a society, were more honest and tolerant of honesty, we'd solve so many of our problems. But if we continue to hide behind the curtain of courtesy, we'll just keep living our inane lives wondering why nobody will listen and nothing gets done.