When I committed to going to Kalamazoo College, I was ecstatic beyond words to embrace the new chapter that would be unfolding in front of me. Endless opportunities opened up for me and I embarked on getting my undergrad degree. I knew it would be difficult. I knew it would be a change that I would need time adapting to. I knew I was going to learn who I am as college proceeded. What I never could have predicted were the friendships I've built along the way. I never would have guessed that I would find such an amazing support system here and be able to have a family away from mine. If I couldn't have possibly imagined the friends I would meet along the way, how could I have possibly known that I would have to part ways with one of them less than halfway through undergrad? And the fact that it would be one of my sophomore roommates--one of my best friends, one of my sisters, a member of my family here.
The first stage in this whole process is a brutal state of selfish denial. When she told me she had to transfer, I thought my world was crumbling slowly around me. How am I supposed to go about my usual routine in the mornings and at night when they always include her--when I don't go a day without seeing her? When I don't go a day without needing a couple seconds of roomie snuggles because life is hard sometimes and I knew she could make me feel better? We were taking on life together and she understood. When she knows me--knows the 4:00am me, knows the 9:00am me (I'm so sorry), and knows me all the time beyond that. How am I supposed to be okay with letting the idea of perfect roommates go in different directions too soon?
But then I had to do some serious reflecting on the situation. She made the choice to transfer because this school doesn't have what she needs for the career she is pursuing. She is doing what is best for her future, and I couldn't be more proud of the way she's handled this. I couldn't be more proud of the fact that she's putting her life first, because making a decision to start a new chapter again when it was never originally planned takes a level of maturity that isn't found in a lot of people. I'm so excited to see where this next chapter takes her because I know she'll finally be studying what she loves and what she wants to make a career out of. I just wish I could be there every step of the way.
The hardest part about all of this is knowing that after spring break, I'm going back to a half-empty room--to a room that holds so many indescribable memories, but is now partially wiped clean. I'm going back to my home, but because she won't be there, I'm not sure I can call it home anymore. Because my best friend is leaving. I've tried so hard up to this point to ignore that it's happening, because I wanted to make the last few weeks, the last few days, the last few nights as special and normal as they could be. All I can do in this situation is be as supportive as I can be, knowing that she made the decision that was the absolute best for her. At the end of the day, this isn't about me.
I haven't had to experience this school without her yet (thank goodness), but one of the only things that is keeping me semi-positive about this whole idea, is the fact that even though we've only been friends for about a year and a half...she's still my best friend. Even though her chapter here is ending, it doesn't mean our chapter is ending with it. I know she will be in my life until the day I die, I will have her back through absolutely anything that happens to her, and I know she would have mine. We will forever bond over the random crap we do and say that is exactly the same. That's why she's my roommate, and deep down she always will be.
Steph, thanks for being the best roomie a girl could ask for <3 I'm going to miss living with you more than anything. #StephAndJenAtItAgain
