Embracing Change After College

Embracing Change After College

"All great changes are preceded by chaos"
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Recently I’ve been battling with the idea of change. In May, I graduate. In June, my siblings leave to go to New York over the summer and in the fall, I start my graduate program.

Now, the idea of having my siblings move over the summer may not seem like something big, but for me it is. My twin sister and I have been apart for the longest, four days. We have lived together our entire lives, shared a room for most of it and are now roommates in college. My brother and I, on the other hand, are always away from each other. It doesn’t mean I won’t miss him like crazy — it is just something I have grown accustomed to.

In June, the two of them are moving in together. I am not only going to be lonely but experiencing major FOMO (fear of missing out) and jealousy as well. The reason I am not joining them on their journey to New York is that my life is taking a different path. I am happy, excited and fearful for what’s to come. But doesn’t that make it worth it? What’s life without doing things you’re afraid of? We can’t learn and grown any other way.

Truth is, old ways don't open new doors. So, bring it on.

Around August and September, I am moving out of my house and into an apartment with one of my best friends, something I am truly looking forward to.

This will help make my transition away from my sister easier (If all things go well in New York, her internship will extend throughout the year. Which is great for her, but excruciating for me.) I have significant separation anxiety if you haven't noticed.

On the bright side, I get to see my baby girl, Jovi (our family dog) as often as I want. Nothing cures anxiety faster than an emotional support dog.

As hard as this is going to be for me, I know that these changes are going to make me stronger. Here’s to the future and hoping it continues to scare the shit out of me. Because if it isn’t scary, it isn’t worth it.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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An Open Letter To The Friend Who Became My Sister

Love is thicker than blood.
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Sis,

There are friends. Then, there are best friends.

According to "Grey’s Anatomy’s" Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang, they're your person. The one who, “if I murdered someone, I’d call you to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor.” You’re so much more to me than any of those titles can express.

As I’ve matured throughout the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that good friends with good hearts serve an incredibly important purpose in our lives, going above and beyond what we give them credit and appreciation for.

The family we choose. You’re one of those.

The day we met, I knew that you were going to play an important role in my life. What I had no idea of was that you would join the cast of my life with a starring role.

First, I need to say thank you. Thank you for always coming to my locker to check in before class during high school. Thank you for letting me control the music on road trips. Thank you for sharing your family with me, and addressing my family as if you were born into it.

Thank you for patiently listening to the physical embodiment of a broken record when I complain about the same boy I’ve loved since senior year. Thank you for tagging along on every doctor’s appointment, grocery run, and trip to the post office, just because you know that I hate doing things alone.

Thank you for not thinking twice before dialing when I text you “please call me.” Thank you for never saying no to a coffee date. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for being my better half.

We don't share the same genetic makeup, but after all the sleepovers, heart-to-heart conversations, shopping until our bank accounts cry, and swapping clothes so often that we don’t know what belongs to whom, how could I not consider you family? We have shared some my fondest memories together, and I wouldn’t want them to feature anyone but you.

You’ve been with me on my best days, and loved me on my worst. You know how to make me laugh when all I want to do is crawl into a hole and die.

Picturing sitting in my car with you in the passenger seat makes me long for summer, where we spend three months together doing all of our favorite things. You’ve seen me naked, done my makeup, and warned me before making a poor decision. Being away from you for extended periods of time makes me feel incomplete.

You are a piece of me that I am not quite whole without. You taught me that blood doesn’t make a family; love does.

You know me better than I know myself, which is both amazing and terrifying. You make me realize I’m enough for this world, and that means more to me than I know how to express in the limited words that make up the English language.

You remind me that I am more than my mistakes, and you keep me grounded when I spiral out of control. You’ve helped me carry my burdens along with your own, even when the universe comes down on you full force, way harder than you deserve.

You’re the one I come to for the truth if I think my new dress makes me look fat, and I know you’ll be honest. I trust you with my whole heart. You know the gory details about every boy I’ve ever crushed on, every professor who was an absolute jerk, and every fight I’ve had with my mom.

I wouldn’t make it in this life without someone who already understands and listens to every thought going through my head and each thing I seriously over think, even when you know, though you don’t say, it won’t matter in a week.

With all these affectionate things being said, don’t forget our fights. The few we’ve had were very real. We still don’t see eye to eye on some events of the past, but I never told my mom about it because there was no need to make her choose a side between me and her “second daughter.

We have learned to move forward, because the love we have for each other overwhelmingly outweighs any disagreement we’ve had, and always will.

Through all the tears and laughs, I don’t think that anything the world has to offer could seriously come between us. You go to a different school than me now, and college has rudely gotten in the way of our routine of spending every waking moment together.

Since we met, we’ve grown separately without growing apart. Neither of us are the same person we used to be all those years ago. Even so, we’ve pushed each other to our limits and you’ve given me the courage to keep going and do things that make me happy.

We lean on each other when it’s been a bad day and all we want to do is to snuggle and indulge in whichever show the other is currently watching unceasingly and unabashedly for comfort (it’s the little things). Having you as my co-pilot on this crazy ride called life has been frustrating, exciting, slightly concerning, absolutely insane, and something I don’t know how I would live without, and I don’t intend to find out.

I’ll conclude this letter with a quote from every basic, white girl’s favorite musical, “I don’t know if I’ve been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”

Love you forever,

Your sis

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My Best Friend And I Are Closer Than Ever, Even 462 Miles Apart

Not everything great about college has to be new.

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At the end of summer, I was reunited with my best friend for the first time in weeks. I was also saying goodbye to her before she went to Mizzou and, one week later, I would go to Miami. She spent most of the summer playing tennis competitively, and I had traveled for a few weeks.

But this had been the case for our final two years of high school when she bounced between Illinois and Florida for tennis training. We talked on the phone and FaceTimed throughout those years, but there was a disconnect because she didn't know what was going on at my school, and I didn't understand her life of tennis.

As I got settled at Miami, I tried to text and call my friends from home when I had the chance. I call my friend from Mizzou when I walk across campus, sit in the dining hall and procrastinate doing homework. Already having a long-distance best friend made me not have to adjust to texting and calling as main means of communication. We complain about our classes, talk about food and give each other motivation when "Grey's Anatomy" is calling our attention more than actual biology. She knows to pep talk me into going out and being social when I'm lying in my dorm room bed, and I will listen to her rants and justify her feelings with the wisdom only a third-party consult could have. Despite the distance, we are going through the same experiences and are closer than ever.

We both made friends with people in our hall and in our activities, but it was calming to have someone to cheer you on from states away. When I stressed the first week that I hadn't found best friends yet, she told me not to try so hard. We talk each other into bearing the cold, getting exercise and taking time out for ourselves when we are too blinded by assignments to see that we need a break. Having a best friend at another college is like when Remy was in the chef's hat in the movie "Ratatouille." I am the one doing things, but my best friend will be hearing everything and helping me navigate life.

As the semester ends and we are comfortable in our new homes and with new friends, we still tell each other all the exciting happenings in our lives. My Ohio friends are characters in stories she listens to, and there is a cast of people in Missouri I hear all about, too. Moving on and up from high school doesn't have to be growing apart from your old friends, but instead, you have fans at other schools rooting you on every step of the way.

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