Growing up, my mother was sick. Very, very sick. And I'm not talking about being sick with a terminal illness. But with illnesses that made her a zombie, a vegetable, a lifeless blob. Illnesses that made her unable to get out of bed, to take a shower, feed herself, or change her clothing. Simple things that most people can do without a second thought. I'm talking severe depression, generalized anxiety, and paranoid schizophrenia. As odd as it sounds, growing up with a mother who was so sick and had so many different diagnoses made me into the person I am. Strong, independent, curious, and willing to sit and listen anyone about anything they would ever want to talk about. As strange as it sounds, I am thankful for the life I lived and still live.
Everything happens for a reason. I believe that with all my heart. I know there are so many young people on this earth that have a sick parent and are lost in it all. It is so easy to get numb with all the visits to go see your parent in the psych ward or seeing them having a mental breakdown. Know that you are not alone. I use to think I was the only 14-year-old girl who went home terrified to see if her mother was still alive or not. Who was terrified to see if her mom had been taken to the hospital again for an overdose. Or who had been sent to a rehab facility, thousands of miles away. Everyday was a rollercoaster and I never knew what hill or twist was coming my way. I remember I would wake up in the morning and my mom would be having panic attacks at 6AM… Right before I would be leaving to go to school and trying to put on a strong face to make it seem to her like everything was going to be okay… But truthfully…I had no idea if things were going to be okay.
She was and still is, the sickest person I know. At 12 years old when her mental illness started to take over, I did not really understand it at all. I thought it was her fault and that she could just "snap out of it". Now, I am 21. I do not ever tell my mother to "snap out of it". You never ever say that to someone who is suffering from a mental illness to just knock it off. It doesn't just work like that. If they could flip a switch and make it all better trust me they would do so. No one on this earth wants to have a battle with themselves everything single day. Lost in their heads. I know things get tough being a young adult, but things change and get better every single day. No matter how terrible and useless you may feel a bystander watching the person who brought you into this world struggle so terrible. Stop the stamina of mental health.
