The loss of a loved one is never an easy experience, and one that is unexpected is even more difficult to cope with. To know that you will never be able to say hi, hug or laugh with someone who means the world and more to you is absolutely heartbreaking.
When you have prior knowledge about the possible passing of a loved one, you have the chance to mend with your emotions and say your goodbyes. You have your chance to mourn before it occurs. This is not to say that it’s not just as devastating as it is when you lose someone unexpectedly, but it makes the process a little smoother.
It is when you have no idea what is to come, when you have no idea that the last words you say to someone could be the last words you will ever be able to say to them that you have to take a step back and never take anything for granted.
The reality is that you never know what could happen, and that’s simply a part of life. It’s sad and it’s scary, but it’s life. When events like this occur, you often find yourself searching for an answer as to why such a tragic and sudden event occurs. It’s not that simple. Sometimes, there is no answer, and that is the first step to coping with the hardship of losing a loved one.
Everyone says that acceptance is a huge part of coping with a death, and that stands true. For some it takes longer to get to that point than for others, and that is ok. That part of the coping process is something that needs be accomplished on a personal level, and should never be rushed.
With that being said, if you accept the loss that you have experienced early on, that is ok too. Never feel guilty for moving on early. Never feel as though you should be forcing yourself to mourn for longer than your heart and body naturally want you to. Never convince yourself that you need to portray sadness to the world around you in order for others to know that you care about your loss. Being a quiet mourner is ok. Nothing needs to be publicized if you do not feel it necessary.
The 6 steps of grieving, which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, are all important. However, they are not six steps that are naturally inevitable. While some may experience all of these steps, others may experience fewer. There is a stigma around how one is supposed to act when they experience a death, and that needs to be dropped immediately. Much like other events in one’s life, death is an individual experience that one handles in their own way.
The reality of the matter is this: dealing with death is hard. Dealing with the loss of someone you never imagined never seeing again is saddening and can be a brutal emotional experience. That doesn’t mean that you can’t get through it. If you are a private person, stay private. If you are outspoken and talking about your feelings are what help you the best, then speak up.
With social media being so prevalent in our times, some turn to their pages for support. Let that happen. Be ok with that. If posting about your loss is what will help you get through the hard times, then do it because in the end, what helps you best is what is most important. On the other hand, if you don’t feel comfortable with the publicity of your private life, don’t post about it. Not posting about it doesn’t mean that others will be under the impression that you don’t care.
It is ok to remind yourself of the good times that you have had with the person that you have lost. Look at pictures, reminisce on stories, laugh about the funny times and cry about the sad. Keep them relevant in your life, but don’t let it extend to the point where you are hurting yourself more than healing yourself.
Most importantly, remember that the person that you lost loves you. Remember that at the end of the day, they want you to be ok. If there is one person to fight for in order to keep your spirits up and keep positive, fight for them. They don’t want you to stop your life for them, they want you to mourn for a period of time, and then go on with your life and be the best that you can be.
