You're sitting at a table in a cool new restaurant, getting to know more about a friend or a coworker. Maybe you're sitting on a park bench and catching up with your best friend on what's happened since high school. You might just be sitting comfortably on your bed as your roommate reveals something about herself that leads you to discover how much you two have in common. You probably enjoy having these conversations because they're a chance to tell people more about yourself. Maybe you just enjoy listening to other people and learning more about them.
In-depth conversations are a two-way street. One way is your contribution to whatever you're talking about. Maybe you enjoy talking about yourself and revealing different aspects of yourself to other people, or you may find it exciting when people ask about you because it allows you to launch into a lengthy story about yourself.
The other way of a good in-depth conversation is your intake of the other person's part of the conversation. This part might seem tricker for some people. We often get so excited about discovering things about people that we jump at the chance to tell them our input, or even to say that we are similar. It's nice to show the other person that we share traits or interests. It's also nice to be sure that the person has a chance to say what he or she is trying to say.
Listening to others while in deep conversation is its own art. You want to know as much about someone else as he or she is willing to tell, and you want to be able to remember the details. Keeping this new information in your memory can allow room to create even more conversations with this person.
Once the other person has shared a part of his or her life, asking questions becomes a way to keep the conversation active for both of you. Ask him if he took his beloved pet skink on adventures with him. Tell her you want to know more about her her hidden talent for reciting a French poem backwards. Expressing your genuine interest encourages the other person to open up to you more and more. Being a good listener allows you to get to know people more and expose yourself to new ideas and interests, as well as new friendships.
