Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judgement.
We INFJ's are an interesting lot. We go deep - we ponder, relate, and connect. We want to know the way people work as individuals and a collective whole. We take in, process, and reproduce information after we've colored it with our own perceptions. Most of all, we are oftentimes confusing or misunderstood which makes us special.
The INFJ in conversation makes for a complex exchange, even in the most relaxed of environments. There's a lot rumbling underneath the surface of our words, and sometimes, we don't even realize the half of it. Nevertheless, there are some things you may find helpful to know while talking with us.
1. Small talk is uncomfortable
I can only relate it to the feeling of swimming in shallow water: flattened strokes, awkward paddling, fear of touching bottom, and only the horizontal plane stretched out in front of you. This is what small talk feels like to the INFJ - so terribly shallow. It offers no substance, no true relatability. It goes against the 3-D fibers of our nature. INFJ's are the deep-sea divers of conversation, delving far into ideas and exploring the space in between. Instead of small talk, tell us about your passions, opinions, and fears. Tell us about your favorite piece of literature, the crazy podcast you listen to, or the way you used to wear your hair as a kid. We'd love to hear about it!
2. "I'm sorry."
Most people mistake our empathy for an apology. INFJ's are extremely empathetic people; when we see someone who is sad or upset, we immediately feel the effects. When we say "I'm sorry," we don't necessarily mean to take responsibility for whatever has upset you (unless it truly was our fault, in which case we most certainly take responsibility). What we mean to say is that we feel for you. We don't like that you are upset, and we offer our empathy as a comfort for you to hold on to. Take it if you like; if not, know that we understand why you feel the way you do.
3. Does that make sense?
We INFJ's are head-y people. We live in our rich inner-worlds and, in a sense, speak our own personal languages. This sometimes makes us difficult to understand in everyday conversation. It's tricky to fully articulate the extent of our thoughts into words on the spot, which is why our casual speech may sometimes come out jumbled, stunted, or in an enigmatic wave of stream-of-consciousness. I often find myself asking, "Does that make sense?" after pouring out one of those waves, or - if I can already tell that I did not, in fact, make sense - I simply follow with a poetically ironic, "I don't know," to clear the floor. We are far better as writers, in general, and also find comfort and thrive by expressing our thoughts through other channels - art or dance, for example.
That said, we also have a paradoxical affinity for explaining certain principles or ideas that we've had enough time to turn over in our heads. One of our general strengths lies in finding connections between concepts, and oftentimes these connections prove to be the most helpful way to teach or describe information to other people. In other words, what makes us not make sense also makes us make sense (if that makes sense!).
4. Figurative language
Someone once called me a "walking poem," a metaphor I find to be quite fitting and self-reflective. INFJ's pick up on connections easily, relating concepts together in our minds and finding hidden meanings between and within them. In conversation, this aspect may show its face through our unusually frequent use of figurative language. We may say that people are colors, that puddles are mirrors, or that the purple rock salt on wintry sidewalks looks like scattered geode stones. We're not trying to be ~artsy~. This is simply how we think.
So, there are four things to look out for in conversation with an INFJ. Though there aren't many of us, less than 2% of the population, odds are that you'll run into one of us at some point, so keep these tips in your back pocket -- reflect on them, use them if you need them, and get to know us a little better.
