As families across our great nation prepare to travel near and far to enjoy meals and fellowship with family and friends, some of us are having anxiety about the conversations that will take place. If you don't have any anxiety about Thanksgiving dinner, you are very blessed. For those of us who are not anxious about conversation with queer-loving, brown-loving, abortion-having family, here's a list of things you can do to have a smooth dinner.

1. Don't be an insensitive dipshit.

There's literally no nicer way of saying this anymore. We get it, you have your personal views. You have your personal views. You have your personal views. YOU HAVE YOUR PERSONAL VIEWS. What we don't get it is how you say you love us in one breath, then condemn our existence in the next.

2. Wake up and smell the damn coffee.

The family member sitting across from you did not come to dinner to be harassed. They came to dinner because they thought someone loved them. Assuming you are a breathing human being with feelings and emotions of your own, you should be able to empathize. Surely there is something you can talk about that won't leave your loved one feeling crushed and defeated.

3. Your immediate safety is not at risk.

I mean, unless it is, then leave. But, if you are having a discussion, act with decorum. No, I am not condemning the use of profanity. In fact, it's been proven that the most intelligent people swear more (within reason and taste-but that's just my opinion). I am saying that if you insist on talking about tough issues (think Black Lives Matter, abortion, trump *eyeroll*) have the decency to listen to that person's experience. Do not diminish their experience. Do. Not. Diminish. Their. Experience. It's their experience, not yours. They are eating with you, so it is a presumed safe space. Give them that space to speak their mind without you insulting them.

4. Speaking of safe spaces.....

Here's a refresh on sociology just in case you missed that in college (presuming you went). A safe space with your loved ones (not talking about those crazy liberal spaces that suspend the 1st Amendment #ohhellno ) and call to politically correct language is not a violation of your rights. In fact, it is a protection of your rights and the rights of others. No, not a right that was outlined in the Constitution. Do you really think that every right you have is outlined in the Constitution?! Black people didn't have the right to sit on the same train car as a white person some 30 years after the Emancipation Proclamation was signed, just ask our pal Homer Plessy, even though it is a God-given right to sit anywhere you damn well please.

When people of marginalized groups ask you to refer to them a certain way, not use certain offensive language, or be cognizant of their triggers, they are asking you to be kind. If they are breaking bread with you, they are asking you to just be kind. They aren't whining. They aren't trying to make you say something you don't want to. However, for those who refuse to foster safe environments for those of your family who are in a marginalized group, shame on you. Shame on you for being trusted with something so gentle and totally crushing it. It's going to take a while for them to be able to trust you with anything again.

5. Thank you!

I know this article probably was harsh and violated your safe space. I know some of my "buzz words" triggered your angry. Good. You should be angry. If you make the existence of my friends and I uncomfortable, exhausting, and almost unbearable on some days, you don't get to enjoy a safe space. I sincerely hope that you are bombarded with messages that force you to be uncomfortable at every turn. How else are you supposed to grow? I am a firm believer that in order to grow, we have to go through some shit, just ask the potatoes you just ate. A wise one once told me to lean into my discomfort. Best advice ever. Seriously, try it.

If you follow this list very carefully, you should have a peaceful Thanksgiving dinner. Enjoy!