I Am A Blunt, Passive-Aggressive Girl And Yes, I Am A Contradiction

I Am A Blunt, Passive-Aggressive Girl And Yes, I Am A Contradiction

I can't do confrontation, but I can do sticking up for what I believe in.
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If you ask any of my close friends or family, they will tell you I am very honest, straightforward, and even sometimes blunt. I’ve always been a very extroverted girl, and I speak my mind.

Many Facebook arguments have spurted on my page due to me sharing a video on a controversial topic. I have opinions and I am not afraid to share them, but the funniest part of me is, I hate being confrontational. I hate causing people problems.

I often try and take the high road on situations where I could hurt a person’s feelings or inconvenience them. I have absolutely no idea why I feel this way. It is possibly the dumbest thing I do. I have no problem sticking up for controversial topics, but if someone butts in line in front of me, I will just let it stew inside of me and not say a word. I don’t want to make people feel awkward or as if they have done something wrong.

Most people in my life would describe me as a leader, which really makes this whole idea so hard to believe. I sit at night and wonder what on earth is wrong with me. I can be so passionate and boisterous, but if my roommate eats my mac n cheese on accident, I suddenly won’t say anything at all until she brings it up.

I guess the world is sort of weird like that. I have never had a problem telling people close to me, like family and my best friends, that, “Hey, I can’t believe you ate my pasta. You better make me another box, because I was craving that so bad.” My mom told me the other day that my articles are getting pretty opinionated, and she attributed that to me getting “comfortable” with my audience. And maybe, it is a good thing. Maybe, it isn’t.

I guess that is really a personal preference. Sometimes I will just get along with people who absolutely drive me insane. These people sometimes even like to think they are my friends. Does that make me a bad person? Personally, I say no. If being nice to a person and not making them feel uncomfortable is something I can do and handle, I guess it is a good skill of mine. I don’t see why being rude to people and shutting them down when they are just trying to be friendly should be your first choice.

So, maybe I should be more obvious with the little things in my life I want to be changed. Maybe I should say, “Hey, I was waiting in line, you can’t butt.” But maybe, being this weird contradiction is some higher power telling me to just let it go and keep rolling with the flow. Being kind and nice and making others feel comfortable should be something I am proud of, but I should probably look for a middle ground. I shouldn’t be losing out on being comfortable or getting what rightfully belongs to me. So, for now, I am a contradiction. In the future, hopefully, I will figure it all out.

Cover Image Credit: Mackenzie Boivin

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To The Girl Who Had A Plan

A letter to the girl whose life is not going according to her plan.
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“I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.” - William Ernest Henley

Since we were little girls we have been asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” We responded with astronauts, teachers, presidents, nurses, etc. Then we start growing up, and our plans change.

In middle school, our plans were molded based on our friends and whatever was cool at the time. Eventually, we went to high school and this question became serious, along with some others: “What are your plans for college?” “What are you going to major in?” “When do you think you’ll get married?” “Are you going to stay friends with your friends?” We are bombarded with these questions we are supposed to have answers to, so we start making plans.

Plans, like going to college with our best friends and getting a degree we’ve been dreaming about. Plans, to get married as soon as we can. We make plans for how to lose weight and get healthy. We make plans for our weddings and children.

SEE ALSO: 19 Pieces Of Advice From A Soon-To-Be 20-Year-Old

We fill our Pinterest boards with these dreams and hopes that we have, which are really great things to do, but what happens when you don’t get into that college? What happens when your best friend chooses to go somewhere else? Or, what if you don’t get the scholarship you need or the awards you thought you deserved. Maybe, the guy you thought you would marry breaks your heart. You might gain a few pounds instead of losing them. Your parents get divorced. Someone you love gets cancer. You don’t get the grades you need. You don’t make that collegiate sports team. The sorority you’re a legacy to, drops you. You didn’t get the job or internship you applied for. What happens to you when this plan doesn’t go your way?

I’ve been there.

The answer for that is “I have this hope that is an anchor for my soul.” Soon we all realize we are not the captain of our fate. We don’t have everything under control nor will we ever have control of every situation in our lives. But, there is someone who is working all things together for the good of those who love him, who has a plan and a purpose for the lives of his children. His name is Jesus. When life takes a turn you aren’t expecting, those are the times you have to cling to Him the tightest, trusting that His plan is what is best. That is easier said than done, but keep pursuing Him. I have found in my life that His plans were always better than mine, and slowly He’s revealing that to me.

The end of your plan isn’t the end of your life. There is more out there. You may not be the captain of your fate, but you can be the master of your soul. You can choose to be happy despite your circumstances. You can change directions at any point and go a different way. You can take the bad and make something beautiful out of it, if you allow God to work in your heart.

SEE ALSO: To The Girl Patiently Waiting With An Impatient Heart

So, make the best of that school you did get in to. Own it. Make new friends- you may find they are better than the old ones. Apply for more scholarships, or get a job. Move on from the guy that broke your heart; he does not deserve you. God has a guy lined up for you who will love you completely. Spend all the time you can with the loved one with cancer. Pray, pray hard for healing. Study more. Apply for more jobs, or try to spend your summer serving others instead. Join a different club or get involved in other organizations on campus. Find your delight first in God and then pursue other activities that make you happy; He will give you the desires of your heart.

My friend, it is going to be OK.

Cover Image Credit: Megan Beavers Photography

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