This is the season again for empty promises of self improvement, also known as New Years Resolutions. I love the idea of it! "New year, new me"! I wish it could be true. However, it just does not work the way I imagined it. For me, I always try to say I am going to eat better and exercise more. I say I will get into shape, and I will not be as lazy as before. Then I get up the next morning, do my daily routine, but I do not put exercising in the routine, instead I eat sugary cereal with whole milk. I make excuses for myself, about why I did not do it, and I say I will do it the next day. But I never do. Sometimes, I do good. I will actually get up early and do some push ups and sit ups before I eat my cereal and milk. But it is never consistent.

I want to change that for myself. My problem is self discipline. I know this because it is the same reason I spend too much money, and the same reason why I give in to sin. I lack self control, which leads to mistakes. I know that I am human, and I am going to make mistakes, but I know I can do better than what I am doing. I hear that there is always a way out of sin, and I have seen that way out, but when the time comes, I decide to take the other route. I am conscious of my decisions, and I seem to make the wrong ones a lot. But I am working on it. I am trying to make the right decisions this time. I cannot make any more excuses! And if you are reading this and you see me on a daily basis, please do not make excuses for me. I appreciate the support and I love that you want me to feel better, but it gives me another reason not to change. Instead, I need you to lovingly tell me if I am doing something wrong.

I know I am being hard on myself, but that is the only way I will make a change. This is for my health. I want to be healthier mentally and emotionally, so I need to be healthier physically. I need to resist temptation of drinking soda, and replace it with a healthier alternative. I am a very stubborn person, so I need to be stubborn for the right reasons. :)

I need to not do a good job one day, and the next day eat like a pig. I need to stay consistent. Consistency is the only thing that will help me. I have always tried off and on eating right and exercising, but it did not get me anywhere. This "resolution" is more than just for the New Years season. This is for the rest of my life. I will try to take baby steps, but I will one day be a better person than I am today. I know that I am not a bad person, but I know I have it in me to do better.