You’re in the same t-shirt that he has seen you in for the past two days, you don’t bother to brush your hair and when he asks what you want to do the first thing that comes to mind to respond is “I don't know take a nap.”
A level of comfort in a relationship is good - undeniably good. Being best friends with your significant other is well… the best. But is there such a thing as being too comfortable? Is it possible you’re staying in your relationship because it is routine, not because it is true love?
Being with the same person for a long period of time results in a lot of everyday expectations. He is the first person you call when something really good happens. You are totally comfortable texting his mom. You know his coffee order, and everything he likes a burger and that even though he says he likes Hawaiian pizza, he really only eats it because he knows that you like it. The thought of not talking to him sounds really, really lonely.
These little things are good and sweet! It is comforting to have no surprises with another human being. And for some people this routine is the very first step to happily ever after. Some people.
That being said, it is really easy to get stuck in a routine like this one and forget that you are allowed to leave a relationship at any time. Yes, it is possible you’re now “settling” for someone you once thought was your Prince Charming.
Here’s the thing:
Being comfortable is not a reason to stay in a long-term relationship.
Not wanting to hurt someone (who obviously likes you more than you like them) is not a reason to stay in a long-term relationship.
Fearing being single again after being committed for so long is not a reason to stay in a long-term relationship.
Liking someone’s mother (despite how rare that may be) is not a reason to stay in a long term relationship.
Your own family liking your S.O. is not a reason to stay in a long-term relationship.
Investing years in one specific person is not a reason to stay in a long term relationship.
You are entitled to make any decision that you want. If the cutie barista you buy your coffee from on Thursday mornings the only person you feel like impressing, that might be a red flag. If all of the little things that you used to find endearing now kind of make you want to pull your hair out, that might be a red flag. If you find yourself thinking romantically in a more than a stupid crush sort of way, that might be a red flag.
Although three-day-old-t-shirt and greasy hair dates may be your thing, they also may not be. Don’t convince yourself that they are simply because the thought of starting over sounds exhausting. You owe yourself more than that.
There are no guidelines for what constitutes to a lasting love. Some people meet the person they are going to marry when they are 13, others when they are over 30. Some people date for eight years before ever getting married, while others only know each other for a few months. But if it has crossed your mind that you are settling- you just might be. A relationship that seems forever long right now, is seemingly tiny compared to actual forever.
Your comfortable, long-term relationship may be exactly what you need. My point is that despite how long you have been with someone, or how easy your relationship is, you’re allowed to walk away. No matter how the world makes it seem, you are always allowed to change your mind.
