We woke to a cold, icy Tuesday morning. It was the first day you could see the road since the blizzard came. We talked and putzed around since our classes were canceled, just a normal morning. Then, she read the text on her phone aloud, “Do you know?” Does she know what?, I thought, my mind jumping to the worst possibility. And when I looked up at my friend, the color had drained from her face. Moments later, we found out the worst possibility was now her reality.

That morning, my friend found out her best friend died the night before in a car accident. As I write this, I’m at a loss for words just like I was then. I can’t describe how silent the rest of the day became. What was there to say? It was some sh*t reality we had to accept. And I knew I had to be there for her, but I didn’t know how. No matter what words I threw together, nothing could help her. Nothing could make it better...because nothing could bring him back.

She left that day to go home to be with her family and friends. I stayed at school trying to think of ways to cheer her up once she came back. And to be honest, I didn’t come up with many. How are you supposed to cheer someone up after their life has been ripped apart? But isn’t that my job as her friend? To get her through the really tough times? And I can’t even do that, I thought.

She returned to school about a week later. She was different but what else would you expect? I knew I needed to be there for her even though I had no idea how. I’ve never dealt with something like this. We shouldn’t have to deal with things like this. But life doesn’t stop for anything, so we had to deal with it.

In the weeks to follow, I tried to get her back to a sense of normalcy. She’s had good days, and she’s had bad. Regardless, he’s always on her mind. That being said, I keep the door open for conversation about him. Conversation’s a good thing, and I know she has things to say. Things she wishes she could say but can’t put into words. Things she doesn’t want to say because saying them makes it real. How do you console a friend who is dealing with hell? How do you do that? Is it possible to make things better? Can you, as a friend with absolutely no idea what they’re going through, help in any way?

Here’s my advice to you. You can’t fix it. Know going into it that there’s nothing you can say or do to make her who she was. The only way to do that is go back in time and stop him from getting in that car. So don’t try to solve all of her problems because it’s not going to work. The only thing you can do is be a support system. That means having your phone ready in case you get a call at 2 a.m. just because she needs to talk. It means trying your best to keep her mind off of it by getting her involved in other things. At the same time, it means not pushing what happened to the side. Don’t ignore it because he doesn’t deserve to be ignored and he’ll never be forgotten.

Let your friend know it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to miss him. Let your friend know it’ll get better. Every day it will get easier, even if it’s just a tiny, tiny, tiny bit easier. Most importantly, keep the conversation open. Be ready to talk about it. Ask about him. Hear her out when she needs to tell you she’s upset. Let her repeat herself when she tells you she misses him. Her thoughts and feelings are always justified.

It’s not going to be fixed in a day, a month, or a year. It’ll never feel like it did and there’s nothing you can do about it. But what you can do is be there. Be strong for her when she can’t be strong herself. If you work together and support her the whole way, she’ll come out through this mess stronger than before, but always with him by her side.