In the midst of summer classes and work, I managed to watch the entire season of The Bachelorette. Of course, I realize I could have spent my time in more productive ways, but I can honestly say I enjoyed journeying in and out of relationships with JoJo Fletcher, who ultimately kissed 25 guys goodbye and said “yes” to one, Jordan. Apart from the obvious reasons why The Bachelorette is unlike real life, such as the issue of dating 26 different men at one time, there are less obvious yet significant reasons why the reality show is not “real.”
After watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette for years, I’m fully aware of the misconceptions one may adopt by watching the shows. I’m still a huge fan of the shows, and I keep up with the couples afterward—whether they marry or go their separate ways. But, for those of you who are new to watching The Bachelorette, here are the misconceptions you should avoid adopting when watching the show:
1. You won’t catch the eye of a man because you don’t “have it all.”
You see her everywhere. She’s got the thick hair, thin legs, and perfect cup size. Her presence makes the most confident men nervous, and she is the center of their conversations. She’s the bachelorette. She’s deemed “the full package.” But wait—what if you don’t have all that? What if your jeans are a little snug, and your hair won’t grow past your shoulders? Does that mean a man won’t notice you or that he secretly wishes he had a girl like JoJo? The right man for you will look at your character, your fears, your dreams, and your joys far more than your “full package” appearance. In his eyes, you'll "have it all" as you are, flaws and all.
2. Your feelings should guide you in and out of relationships.
I like to be happy and I enjoy laughing with my boyfriend. But I also have insecurities, and when those hit, I feel far from happy. I can feel a variety of emotions throughout the course of one day. I cannot trust my feelings to show me who I should date. My “gut” has to be rooted in truth, rather than fleeting feelings. However, on The Bachelorette, JoJo had to trust her feelings, regardless of how unreliable even she knew they were. She had to give out roses to men based on the way she felt when she was with them. Since I’m exclusively dating one man, I can analyze our relationship according to who we are together, rather than according to the feelings I experience when I'm with him, which may or may not be accurate on a given day.
3. Physical intimacy with a man is an essential part of knowing whether he is the one you should marry.
Kissing is obviously a central component of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. JoJo had to kiss men from the beginning of the show until she kissed her fiancé. The show is fast-paced, and JoJo had limited time to build relationships and fall in love. In real life, however, is a kiss necessary after every first date? Time allows us to build friendships before initiating physical intimacy. Dating one person at a time, we have the opportunity to set our standards high and save that intimacy for the person we will call our husband.
5. You must be “social media popular” in order to be validated as pretty enough for a man.
During the Men Tell All episode, which is when all the men who were sent home come back on the air to reflect on the season, one man made the comment that JoJo was “everything” for them. His respect for her was clear, but the comment itself could be misleading to any girl who is not popular on social media. The man said she was not only the smartest, but she was also the prettiest online. It’s important for girls to realize that they are worth more than the number of followers they have on Twitter. Some men will look at how many “likes” a photo has on Facebook and think, “Wow. She must really be something special.” However, men who I could trust as genuine will look beyond the amount of attention you receive online and look into who you are as a person when you’re not online.
6. If only one man likes you, then he’s settling and you’re not good enough.
Admittedly, it is flattering to be wanted by different people at one time. JoJo agreed to be the bachelorette, so it is understood that she will be pursued by multiple men. But what if you’re not that girl who is hit on at every convenient store in town? What if the man you’re with says he is lucky, but no other men try to take you out? Just because you’re not being chased does not mean your man is settling. If your goal is to one day be married, you will ultimately marry one man, and until then, you do not require the affection of many men. Invest in your relationship with your one man, and don’t take his words of affirmation or actions for granted.
I consider myself a member of Bachelor Nation. I’ve watched the romantic journeys of strangers on TV for years. I’ve cheered on whoever the bachelor or bachelorette was at the time, and I’ve been disappointed when they sent home my favorite contestants. I’m a fan. But I can’t forget that my real-life relationship is not supposed to align with the relationships formed on The Bachelorette. I must not adopt the potential misconceptions embedded in the show. JoJo and Jordan now have the opportunity to enjoy their engagement with the camera off. They can live real life as a couple now, just like Chris and I have been living real life. With all misconceptions aside, we can look at our relationships in an honest light, whether you meet your man on The Bachelor or in the lunch line at your university.
