Confidentiality Bereavement Part III

Helen entered the lobby of Allen’s building at twelve noon. The light danced off of the glass and crystal sending radiant shards of light across the polished marble floors. She had always loved the atrium at this time of day. She and Allen used to sit and eat lunch here; basking in the shafts of light. She shuddered at the thought of never again. She still couldn’t get over Allen being so upset, and she thought she might fix it by talking to Sid, Allen’s longtime friend and business partner. It was only a short time ago that she was in this same lobby telling Sid all of the things that Allen had told her in confidence with a vengeful rage. She wasn’t quite sure why she did it. She wasn’t quite sure why she ever ran her mouth the way she did, but there were never consequences like this. She had lost everything dear to her with just a short spewing of wrong words that flowed out of her gaping aperture. She felt an unseasonable chill; one that made her realize that fixing this might not be in her realm of possibility. Suddenly it felt like a long walk to the elevator. Her confidence coming in was all but gone. She was alone in this world for the first time, and had no idea how she was going to adjust, or what she was going to present herself. She forged on anyway. She pressed number five and prayed.

Sid, already notified of her arrival, was waiting by the elevator when she arrived. She was about to smile and say hello, when Sid, obviously still shaken from the fallout, cursed, “God damn it, Helen! Haven’t you done enough”, he bellowed. She was barely past the threshold of the elevator, and was quite offended by the onslaught of anger.

“I don’t know what you’re screaming about” Helen quipped, “I’ve told you everything that you always wondered. You’re just mad at the answers to your own questions!” Helen wasn’t backing down to this man. If he didn’t have Allen’s respect, he damn well wasn’t getting hers. “Your own best friend has done everything in his power to keep you from being respected by your peers for over thirty years, and you're mad at me for telling you?” Helen screamed. “You’ve been nothing but Allen’s shadow all of these years, and it’s my fault?” Helen wasn’t hearing any of this, and turned her back to press the down button for the elevator.

Sid wasn’t quite done yet. “You, Helen are the reason that I’ve been treated this way!” “Allen and I were so close until you came along.” Sid said forcefully. “You are nothing but a user, and Allen has been your victim for many years. He finally figured it out. If you’re here to fix things, I can tell you that that ship has sailed.” Sid quipped. “Allen will never come back to either of us, and I’m alright with that. My conscience is clear.” Sid wasn’t backing down either, and said, “You need to see how your conscience weighs, and you can’t do it here. Get the hell out, Helen, and never come back!”

Normally this would be all Helen needed to hear, but not this time. She retorted, “If you were ever a man, you would have seen this happening long ago! You are a useless, disgusting little man!”

Sid finally, with furious anger retorted, “I did see this happening long ago. I have always been leery of you, and now my instincts have proved correct! Leave now, Helen. Security is on its way.” Helen couldn’t muster another word. Defeated, she put her head down and left via the stairwell. She knew the security threat was just a ploy to get her to leave; she also knew he would have called them if he had to. This confrontation was more than Helen could handle, and she felt herself losing her grip on reality.

Allen needed closure. He was driving himself insane dwelling on the things he couldn’t change, and had no devices to change the things he could. He was an empty shell waiting for a divine slap in the face. None came. After about an hour of uncontrollable weeping, and piteous thoughts, he decided he might try something that he usually didn’t do; pray. He wasn’t a religious man and had always felt that the power that drove him was of his own will, therefore having no need for God, or his help. Today he felt different, though. His will had barely gotten him out of bed this morning. He begged, “Lord, please show me the way. I have turned my back on you for too long. I need your help, Lord. I don’t know where to turn.” He continued with this mantra until he felt he received an answer. It wasn’t a lightning bolt, or a burning bush, but he felt he had an answer. The weight on his shoulders seemed to disappear as he gathered his strength to work on a solution to his seemingly unsolicited complications.