“Mom said I could,” was one of the most used phrases for my sister and me during our childhood. Whether it was that we could go play whiffle ball with the neighbors and do homework after dinner or the time my sister told our hair stylist that she wanted hot pink highlights, mom was supportive of what we wanted at any given moment in our young lives.
Like most mothers that I know, she was what you’d expect. Happy to be part of the carpool, could help with homework, cooked dinner for whoever would be home that night, and was always happy to join in on an ANTM marathon during February vacation. If it had no harmful repercussions then she was on board and content to see us making our own decisions. And part of that is where my mother gave me one of the best lessons in life I could ask for.
Because my mom would let us try anything, we had quite the fun and exciting upbringing. We regularly got dressed up and paraded around the house in a mix of patterns, colors, and fabrics. After asking for our hair to be put into a “fort” as we called it, it was not uncommon to try recreating these looks with our dolls. My entire life, I cannot remember a time that my mom did not encourage me to have fun and try new things. She often reminded us that we can cut or color our hair if we don’t like it, clean our face if we want to change how our makeup looks, and can restyle any outfit in the way that made us feel our best. Other than appearing appropriate for the given occasion, my sister and I were rarely told to change or had our clothes laid out for us even as young girls. My dad enjoyed our creativity too, as I’m sure he loved that mom was so silly and supportive with us each and every day.
Middle school and high school are notoriously tough years for adolescents, and raising two girls in this age bracket at once was sure to present challenges. But for some reason, at least for me, it never seemed too bad. Sure there were the fights with friends, the awkward encounters with crushes (thank god those days are over, am I right?), and how to handle yourself Monday morning when you found out that you didn’t get invited to the party your classmates can’t stop raving about. But one thing that never seemed to set of my anxiety was the way I looked. Sure, I had my period of hating my hair and not knowing how to handle my curls - but that’s another story for another time. As far as learning how to wear makeup and getting dressed each morning? That was what I looked forward to the most. If I could pick the one lesson I took from my mom that made the biggest impact on me, it was always being myself and not worrying about what anyone else thought.
Did I have times when I wanted to be like other people or have what someone else did? Of course, what kid doesn’t? But I felt genuinely lucky to never let negative thoughts come from peers and infiltrate my train of thought. I’ve never felt the need to diet, to dress differently, to fit in with a certain group. I’ve always made choices based on my own feelings and reasoning. In college this became even easier because when you’re one out of 15,000 students nobody cares how you present yourself and that is a truly cool thing.
But now as an adult in the real world I have started to go in the opposite direction. I feel a lot more pressure to be something to society. Do I dress professionally enough to be at this conference? Is my makeup making me look too young to be taken seriously? Is my laid back tone on phone calls seeming like I am not qualified? If I took the time to style my hair each day would I be viewed differently? All of these thoughts and more swirl throughout my brain on a regular basis. I am more worried about my clothes, my appearance, my fitness level, and my body than I ever was in high school or college.
Any time I have self doubt or start to feel uncomfortable with myself, I take a deep breath and think of my mom. She would not be happy that I am letting people around me dictate my feelings and appearance, especially people I haven’t even met. What happened to the little girl with the pink cat patterned leggings and fuzzy green crop top? She would never care what she is supposed to wear because she is too busy wearing what she wants to. The greatest thing that my mom ever gave me was a childhood full of so much love and support that I truly only cared what she thought and nobody else.
My sister and I are very fortunate to not simply have a mom, but to also have had one person take on the jobs of stylist, advisor, mentor, nurse, teacher, coach, cheerleader, best friend, and role model. While I could write a book on the things she has done for me that she never had to and all of the things she taught me about life, I truly think the best gift she gave me was to brush off what is cool and how to follow my heart. I grew up with encouragement to be creative and told every day that I was beautiful for a variety of reasons. I am truly grateful that my mom raised my sister and I the way she did (with help from dad of course) because I would absolutely be a lot less proud of who I am now without her.
