Everyday when I look in the mirror I have to accept a few hard facts about myself: I never got my acceptance letter from Hogwarts, I never got visited by the tooth fairy and I, Jane Parker, am a Starbucks addict. Like most addictions, it started small — a non-caffeinated frappuccino here, a muffin there. It gradually led to iced caramel macchiato or a white mocha if it was convenient. Now I am a full blown Starbucks Gold Member who uses the mobile ordering app to purchase drinks from my bed every morning before work. Caution! If you think that if at any point in the future we may become friends, do not continue reading. These are my confessions:
1. Yes I know it is pricey for a college student, but I remain unfazed.
My current favorite drink is a grande iced soy caramel macchiato with only one pump of vanilla. It costs me a total of $5.40. That means if you give me a fifty dollar gift card to what I consider the happiest place on Earth (sorry, Disney), it wouldn't even last me 10 visits/days.
2. I am silently judging you on your order.
Bro. You are a 25 year old man. Please tell me I did not just see you order a venti chocolately chip frappuccino with extra whip and pink cake pop. Also, shoutout to the mother of the year who just bought their 5-year-old a chai tea latte.
3. My car is at times an endless sea of coffee cups.
Putting this out the Internet might make me officially "forever single," but here goes nothing: Try as I may, I can never seem to discard the cups faster than I can replenish them. This leads to a collection of cups of coffee’s past in my cup holders and backseat.
4. I've begun to mentally describe people's personalities as Starbucks drinks.
"Holy smack! She is such a double espresso!"
"He is so chill. He's a green tea lemonade."
5. I experience a serious episode of separation anxiety when my favorite barista isn't there.
*Walks into Starbucks, doesn't see favorite barista.*
*Immediately is concerned that they have died, or worse, transferred to a store out of state.*
6. I feel sorry for new baristas.
While I go to Starbucks often and I do have particular drink orders, I am not a snob. I understand that baristas are people, too. I also know being the new kid on the block is tough stuff, and it’s even tougher when someone is telling you that their 137 degree drink needs to be 140 degrees.
7. The first step to recovery is admitting, but that is probably the only step I’ll ever take.
Everyone has their vices. Mine is Starbucks. In the big scheme of things, I do not believe my life will be greatly altered by a delicious drink from a company that I am proud to support. Thank you, Starbucks, for always being there!
