I have always been the smart kid.

I was Valedictorian of my high school class, the girl who everyone came to for the answers to last night’s homework and the sole contributor of many, many group projects.

Now, attending a very prestigious private liberal arts school full of rigorous coursework, that’s not the case.

Through attending the first few weeks of my classes, it became abundantly clear that I would not be the most intelligent one in the room. I often find myself confused at the reading the night before, when others come in with a fully formulated analysis ready to share. Someone always has a better, more advanced answer than the one I do. This was immensely intimidating at first, and an entirely new concept. Stepping into this new, more advanced environment made me think, woah, this is different and I don't know how to feel about it.

I was hardly ever challenged in high school and often wish I would have gotten more out of my education there. I attended a very small, public high school that sat right next to a cornfield. But that’s a completely different set of stories for another day. The material that I was taught was given for me to pick up, the concepts were easy for me to grasp, and the work was easy to get done. This is not to say I didn’t work hard, because I did. If I hadn’t worked hard, I definitely would not have been at the top of my class. Regardless of the feelings I have for my past education, if I hadn't gone to the high school I did, I probably would not have ended up at the college I did. For that I am grateful.

I find at my university that, even when I work hard and produce my best work possible, I won’t get the highest marks of the class. It’s taken me a little while to realize that that is okay.

Correction: it's more than okay. It's exciting. I'm constantly being challenged, which has forced me to reevaluate my study habits, time management, and myself overall. I've had to step up my game several notches. Yes, it turns out that a high school next to a cornfield and a university in one of the best neighborhoods of the state are two completely worlds with vastly different expectations.

During the induction of my class into the university, our president said something that greatly resonated with me. He urged us to not be uncomfortable with failure. I have been uncomfortable with failure my entire life. Failure is like a bad word to me. Now, I'm starting to become less afraid of it.

I'm non-stop inspired to try harder to be the best version of myself that I can be here at my university. I much prefer this to being on top all the time.

I'm thankful for this change. I'm thankful for my fellow classmates, professors, and university for presenting me with this blessing in disguise. After all, how boring would it be if every class and question came easy?

So, those are the confessions from a former smart kid, from a now-average kid who's still working hard.