The other day upon going through Cosmopolitans Snapchat story (yes, I know, I’m cringing at the sound of that too as I’m proofreading in my head) I found an article that caught my eye. “I am the girl sleeping with your boyfriend” Confessions of a side chick. Intrigued I decided to read it only to be filled with rage and angst by the end.

It’s 11:03 p.m. and I’m texting your boyfriend. Well, not necessarily YOU, the person reading this, but someone like you. A girl who has no idea the guy she loves is currently telling me what he wants to do to me, and sending pics of his IRL eggplant emoji.

Yeah, I’m the sidechick.

After reading this, I started to rehash the times that I had been cheated on, or the times where there was evidence that I had been. Within a minute was consumed with unbearable anxiety. Not only this I felt myself acting differently towards the guy I was in a “relationship” with at the time (whatever that word even means anymore, it’s still unanswered).

I’m not a whore, although you might want to call me one. I’m not even a bitch - I’m actually a pretty nice person. I have friends and family who love me, and I don’t fit the "other woman" stereotype. Y’know the one I mean - all perfect Instagram shots ft. swoon-worthy hair and curves in all the "right" places. Trust me when I say that ain’t me.

How do you have the audacity to openly admit to sexting another girl’s boyfriend and say that you're not a b****? The fact that after the first paragraph she is already trying to justify her behavior is proof that not only is she the things she’s saying she isn’t, but she’s also a manipulative person. Never mind the fact that she writes using y’know’s. Keeping it classy.

I am not special. I am not prettier than you, or funnier than you, or better in bed than you. I’m not a ‘slut’ - I don’t have one night stands or go out with the specific aim of taking someone home. I’m not a gold digger. I’m fairly ordinary, really.

And yet, at least five of my most recent ‘relationships’ (and I use that term very loosely) have been with men who are… well, already in relationships.

And now we have her openly admitting she only goes after men who are taken. This means she is completely aware of what she is doing, and the potential effects she will have on the relationship and their individual lives. But noo you’re not a b****? Yeah okay!

I have friends who will never be this person. The second they hear a guy has a girlfriend, that's it - he's off limits, and they won't even entertain the idea of starting something up.

Maybe your friends don’t go for people already in relationships because they have something that you clearly lack!! A conscious? A brain? Probably both!! But please go on about what a nice and normal human being you are.

A close male friend of mine thinks it’s because I have (sound the cliche klaxon) "commitment issues." His theory is that if a guy is unavailable, he’s instantly more attractive to me because I know that it’s not really going anywhere.

What a lot of people fail to realize is that sociopaths and narcissists deep down are insecure little rats and our reactions of pain and insecurity are their fuel. Your fear of abandonment makes you jealous and you act in ways to destroy other people’s committed relationships because you are jealous, and most likely have so deeply rooted abandonment issues. Btw that’s not how you spell cliché, your missing something other than your empathy!

The therapist I saw for a while (still got that cliche klaxon? Give it a toot) reckons it’s all down to deep-rooted insecurity, and the need to have my "personal worth legitimized" blah blah blah more therapy-speak.

Blah blah blah, you only say this because you know she’s right. I mean why would you shovel out hundreds a month to go see a professional to help you with your issues.

I get what she means - there’s a definite ego boost to having a guy like you enough to cheat on his girlfriend. "That must mean I’m, pretty right?" screams the skinny, shy, awkward teenager inside of me.

You’re treading into some deep waters here anonymous, be careful you might let some feelings pour out if you poke too hard!!

Personally though, I think the rom-com style movies and books I love so much have warped my mind, and I’m addicted to the idea of a grand romance that must overcome all obstacles (i.e., you) before I can get to the "happily ever after" bit.

Blame pop culture, the media, the mainstream!! It’s not your fault you’re a shitty person it’s the people surrounding you, it’s the word surrounding you that’s fucked up. Is anyone buying this yet?

"WHAT NEVER CEASES TO SURPRISE ME IS HOW MANY GUYS ARE SO WILLING TO CHEAT."

Yeah, that's what happens when you try to seduce someone, we are human. We have sexual desires and urges. It's hard to resist something when it's dangling in front of your face.

In my imagination I’m not the Mia (ugh) from Love Actually type - I don't set out to seduce someone. I’m Jennifer Lopez in The Wedding Planner, or Meredith from Grey’s Anatomy back when Derek was married but not dead (RIP). I’m the one he’s destined to be with, and I’m the one he ends up with.

But, you do set out to seduce someone. You literally said in the prior paragraphs that every man you have had relations with in the past has already been in a relationship, and you knowingly slept with them. How are you going to change your story a paragraph later and expect us to buy your whole victim card?

Except that’s never actually happened, of course.

What never ceases to surprise me is how many guys ARE so willing to cheat. These aren’t ‘players’ that I go for. They’re not Geordie Shore lad lad lads who will shag anything that moves - they’re just normal men who love their girlfriends but, for some reason, take only the tiniest of pushes to enter the realm of infidelity.

You’re lucky you are anonymous, I can say that much.

Then again, maybe it’s simple; maybe humans just aren’t made to be monogamous. At least that’s what Eamon*, the American pilot I met in a SouthAmerican hostel, told his girlfriend over FaceTime... just before he asked her if he could sleep with me. Spoiler alert: she said no. Double Spoiler alert: we did it anyway.

That’s not really your decision to make for other people, now is it. If you belive this is true go find and do any other person who’s down for open relationship or one night stand.

What I want to make clear, is that I'm not sitting here cackling evilly and trying to break you up - I just seem to be missing the part of my body that should feel empathy for you.

I can say 100% if you don’t feel empathy you’re either choosing to block the thoughts of what that girl may be going through right now, or the thought of her pain, the thought of being chosen over the girl he loved feeds your narcissistic being.

I'm not an uncaring person. I donate to charity, I cry at long-lost-family reality shows, I can't bear to see an animal scared or pain. But you? You aren't real to me. I haven't met you. I don't know you. And somehow that lets me do this.

Que the superfluous charitable narcissist! Just because you donate to charity doesn’t mean you’re a good person. If you cared about the charity half as much as how it makes you look you wouldn’t bring it up, or feel the need to flaunt it. You mentioning being a charitable person proves my point even more. You clearly are only worried about the well-being of others when it is directly benefitting you. What would you get out of deciding to not sleep with your next victim’s boyfriend?

It allows me to be the sidechick with no guilt, just frustration that I can't see him more, that he's not free tonight because he's playing host to your parents, or taking you out for your birthday.

No! the fact that you’re a Narcissist allows you to be the side chick without any guilt.

Perhaps it would be different if I’d been cheated on, but I haven’t, so maybe I just can’t comprehend the pain that comes with the discovery of infidelity.

First of all! Let me define empathy for you. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It does not matter if you have been through the same thing.

"THE REALITY THAT I WILL ALWAYS BE SECOND BEST EVENTUALLY TAKES THE SHINE OFF"

The reason you go for men who are taken is you like the feeling of adoration, the feeling of being good enough to get him. You fit the criteria of a narcissist. Someone who needs constant adoration. And these unavailable men give you just that supply your looking for. You need the pain of someone else's abandonment to feed your ego.

Sometimes I think I'm cursed - I cheated on my first serious boyfriend, and occasionally I entertain the idea that karma is having a good old laugh at my expense, presenting exclusively unavailable men to me forever more.

Poor you!! You cheated on your first boyfriend and now your attempts to steal every guy you find in a relationship are failing. Here’s some advice for you!! No one likes to be cheated on! Guys don’t fall in love with the side hoe. Why? Because she’s a hoe! She’s troubled and untrustworthy.

Supernatural shit aside, the reality of being the sidechick is that as exciting and as flattering as it may be at first, the realization that I will always be second best eventually takes the shine off, and things inevitably fizzle out. Then it’s on to the next shiny new already-someone’s-boyfriend, and so the vicious cycle continues.

Until I find my happily ever after, of course.

You won’t find your happily ever! And I don’t feel bad, while I think you’re a bitch I also know that karma is too! Tenfold of what you are! You said it yourself! It’s a vicious cycle, your luck in seducing men is due to catching them at the right time. The reason they never leave their girlfriend for you is because they don’t love you! They don’t respect you, and they don’t trust you. They don’t want to commit to someone who clearly has commitment issues, and they don’t want to find themselves the victim of infidelity as their significant other did.