I didn't know what weed smelled like. I had never been to a party before, aside from the average birthday extravaganza—the kind with cupcakes and party hats. I'd never been drunk. I didn't know that casual sex was a thing, or that people actually treat it like candy in the real world. I had no clue what Yik-Yak was, and I was especially behind on the Urban Dictionary lingo. I was just your everyday, straight-laced girl. However, all of that changed when I was hit, full force with a college culture shock.
I was never forced into living a sheltered lifestyle, it just was and still is a part of who I am. My parents were always encouraging, and wanted me to experience the world, but I preferred to shy away from what made me feel uncomfortable. Even at 19 years old, I still shift uncomfortably in my seat when I watch an R-rated movie, that is if I even bring myself to watch it. I had this Disney-fied, PG vision of what college would be like, and the underage drinking, drugs, sex, and smoking, most definitely were not in the picture.
I came to college with these ridiculously high expectations, and the fantasy-laden bubble that separated me from reality burst within the first few days. I remember strolling through campus one afternoon, and smelling this foul, skunk-like odor wafting in the breeze. A friend then proceeded to tell me that someone was getting "loud." Me, being as naïve as I was, had no clue what she was talking about. I felt like a complete grandma once I figured out that "being loud" was the equivalent of being high off of Marijuana. These new discoveries began to taint my view of the college dream, because my whole perspective of the world was changing. The dirty truth behind the college experience, was becoming more prevalent every day, and I kept fighting it. I wanted no part in the deplorable activities of my peers, so I strayed away from the crowd. I essentially put myself in isolation, and that loneliness led to depression within the first month of my freshman year. I went home every single time I had the chance, because college was becoming a begrudging chore for me. I missed everything from parties, to interesting school events. I had zero friends, because they were partying, along with the rest of the 18-23 year olds on campus. To put it in a nutshell, life sucked.
Something had to give, and I knew it wasn't going to be them. I wouldn't say that I changed who I was, because I didn't. I just began to gain more tolerance, and understanding for those who were different than me. I opened my door more often, I spent Friday nights being with friends, and I didn't immediately run away from situations that frightened me. I went to that party, and guess what? They weren't all creeps who slipped Rohypnol into an unsuspecting woman's drink. When I took the time to have conversations with people that I didn't know, I found that we were more alike than I had thought. Although I am still the same morally conservative girl that I have always been, I am significantly happier now that I've stepped out of my comfort zone.
