I'll be the first to admit when I have a problem. I'm definitely not one to ignore my issues and deny they exist. I know that I can be a jealous person and that I tell the occasional white lie. No one's perfect! And a big part of my imperfections, the things that make me who I am, is that I can hold a grudge. Like, seriously. I've never really met anyone who holds onto things as much as I do. I'm not joking, I should have been the star of the movie "The Grudge." When someone does me, or someone I care about, wrong, Lord help them. I will never forget what that person did. Obviously, I will forgive on some occasions because you can't live your life hating someone forever (well, at least not openly). There are a dozen people I've "settled the score" with but still really, really dislike on the inside. And this isn't because I'm fake, or afraid of what people may think. The reason I hide my feelings about certain people is because I just don't care enough to have drama. I may tell people "oh, so-and-so and I are fine now" but you will not see me instagramming that b*tch anytime soon.
Some people may think that holding a grudge is childish. I personally think it's mature not to easily forget when someone has hurt you. I'm not saying I still hate the girl who stole my boyfriend in third grade because that would be childish. But even if you wronged me a year ago, depending on the offense, please do not expect me to ever be your best friend again.
My trust is not easily given and rarely ever regained once lost. This is good and bad. It's good because it keeps me from allowing bad people back into my life. Ain't nobody got time for that. But it's also bad because it limits me. I don't like being the person who can't trust people. I wish I could be the girl who forgives and forgets so easily, but it's just not who I am. I am a firm believer in YOLOism, but when it comes to trust I just can't live in the moment. When it comes to my friendships, I'd rather be happy and guarded than end up hurt. You can agree or disagree with me, I don't really care. In the end I won't be the one letting the same person hurt me and hurt me repeatedly. Once you've proven to me that you are incapable of being a good friend, you're done. I don't need people like that in my life! If we literally just met and you're already doing questionable things, I'm probably just going to save myself the trouble. Life is too short to let liars, manipulators, and down right dirty people bring you down!
I'm not saying that holding a grudge forever and ever is super appropriate, because it's not. But it's also not okay to be like, "Oh, you slept with my boyfriend, but like, it was that one time, so I guess we can take a selfie at this party," because then you're just the one who looks foolish. I won't commend people like that for "putting it behind them" because you have a reason to not want that person in your life. I'm a firm believer that you don't need anyone who doesn't need you.
One of my biggest pet peeves is that one friend who time and time again forgives crappy people. They know the person isn't a good friend, but instead of being confrontational and actually standing up for themselves, they just forgive and forget within two days and act as if nothing happened. If that's how you want to live your life, go for it, I guess. But please know that if someone messes with me or one of my friends, I will never forget. I will forgive for the sake of saving myself a headache, but I will never see that person the same way ever again. I just couldn't. And neither should you. People change, but sometimes such huge faults in someone's character just cannot be altered or ignored. Some people just deserve to have grudges held against them. That grudge is all you have left in defense of yourself, and once you've lost that, you've lost respect.
The moral of the story is that there's nothing wrong with being a serial grudge holder. It limits you in some instances, but just do whatever you're comfortable with! If you want to forgive someone the next day, go for it. If you never want that person in your life again, be my guest. But never be ashamed of your decision to hold a grudge. No matter how trivial the issue might be, if it's something that really bothered you, you have the right to your own opinion.
