I could easily describe my paternal upbringing as a blur of red, white, blue, fraternities and Ronald Reagan.
Only kids with dads who lean toward the right understand this type of nationalism and the life that comes along with it. Here are some examples.
1. How many times can your dad reference “the good ol’ days” in one conversation?
After years of experience, I’ve concluded that the limit does not exist. Republican dads are a vocal bunch to begin with, and after a mention of the glory days there’s no stopping them. In fact, at the age of 55, my dad still makes the occasional #TFM reference.
2. In your eyes, election season is equivalent to hunting season.
Election Day isn’t until Nov. 4, but the festivities started awhile ago. Thanksgiving served as the perfect platform to verbally assault Hillary Clinton over pumpkin pie. On Christmas morning, the “Make America Great Again” apparel under your tree elicited the greatest reaction – Obama couldn't ruin the holidays this year! However, your dad will still be on edge until Nov. 5, and if the Democrat wins? Only "In God We Trust" can save you.
3. You have a soft spot for John Kasich.
This man has taken the dad bod movement along with “the awkward dad joke” (my favorite art form) to a national stage. Every minute of his campaign is painfully relatable, occasionally nostalgic and always endearing.
4. Teachers automatically dislike you a little bit more.
My dad openly has a man crush Chris Christie, which is enough to get any union member riled up. But in fourth grade, to add fuel to the fire, I decided to write an original (less-than-complimentary) poem about Jimmy Carter’s peanut farm. Freshman year, I did a personal rendition of “Tear Down This Wall” for public speaking class. As expected, the grades didn’t always reflect my creativity; however, my dad’s pride never wavered.
5. Construction of a wall in your backyard has been mentioned on more than one occasion.
Immigration reform starts in the home, right? I don’t think I need to elaborate very much on this one. #ThanksDonald
6. Your dad and his fellow Republican dad friends could have their own reality show – or maybe even a boy band.
Some express their American pride through handling Mr. Ralph Lauren’s finances and investing in Army jeeps from Nam. Others hide firearms in their coffee table books and support Caitlyn Jenner because of her conservative values. Clearly, I’d tune in to this group over the Kardashians (or the Backstreet Boys) any day.
And finally,
7. D.A.D.D.D. (Dads Against Daughters Dating Democrats) is an actual thing.
Yes, there are T-shirts… and coffee mugs.
My father may be straight off the page of the Dad-cyclopedia that includes the GOP, golf polos and “What do you mean I’m not cool anymore?” Yet I truly wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks for everything, Dad.
