Aside from Lifetime movies loosely based on true stories and TLC reality shows, what do we really know about the Amish? I had the chance to find out more about this peculiar lifestyle, by sitting down with a coworker and friend, Audrie*, to talk about her time in Amish country. She was born and raised in Amboy, Indiana, which she calls “Amishville,” until her family split from the church when she was 12. Here’s what I learned from my interview with her:

L: Did you know that there was a life outside of Amish country?

“Yes, we were very well aware of that,” Audrie explained how her mother had a drug problem and she joined the Amish community to get away from that. Her parents met when her mom was already in the church, “but once they got serious, [her father] had to choose.” Her dad decided to leave the life he knew behind to be with her mom in the Amish community.

L: While you were in the lifestyle, would you say that you felt isolated from the rest of America?

“I didn’t really understand it, I didn’t understand that they looked at us differently.” Audrie goes on to say that her mom left because she felt isolated from her family.

L: What made your family decide to leave?

“My dad had to leave because my mom left.” Audrie’s mom stopped coming to church and no one really thought anything of it at first because she suffered from heart problems, so they figured her absence was health related. Audrie recalls her mom kind of mentioning leaving the church, and then she just “never went back.” Once her mom left, her dad had another decision to make, but once again, he chose to leave the church as well, to be with Audrie’s mom. Audrie says about her father, “he chose her. He’ll always choose her.” Audrie jokes about how her father set the bar high for her future husband.

L: What is the biggest issue or challenge you faced after leaving the Amish?

“Public school’s really hard,” Audrie said with a look of perplexity. “My parents still believed in Amish rules.” So even though they were no longer members of the church, Audrie and her five siblings dressed as if they were, with girls in bonnets and long skirts, and boys in pants.

L: Other than culturally, did you feel left behind when you joined public school?

“You mean academically?”

L: Yes.

“Definitely. School’s not really emphasized [in the Amish community]. Girls quit school at eighth grade.” Audrie’s mom homeschooled Audrie and her siblings in addition to the Amish community’s school. Audrie suspects that her mom had not planned on staying in the Amish community forever, which was why she took the proactive measure of homeschooling her children, so that when they joined public school, they were up to speed. Audrie feels she benefitted from her mom’s homeschooling, as she graduated top ten in her class. She says about her younger twin sisters, “[they] are off the charts, they’re top one and two in their class.” Her two older brothers didn’t struggle, but her older sister got held back a year when she joined public school.

L: What would you say was the percentage of people who left the Amish lifestyle and never returned?

“Very little.” Audrie struggled to remember the name of “Rumspringa,” the Amish tradition where 18 year olds are given a year to experience the “outside world.” If they choose to remain outside of the community, they are shunned and cannot see their friends and family again. The 18 year olds have a year to decide whether to leave or to return. Audrie remembers not quite comprehending what was happening as her older sister, Sarah* was leaving for her Rumspringa, remembering that she cried “you have to come back!” Sarah came back after a month. It was only three months after she returned that her dad decided to leave the church to be with her mom. Sarah stayed behind because she had experienced the real world and didn’t like it. However, a few months after her family was gone, Sarah left the church to be with her family, but she struggled to adjust. Audrie remembers her older sister trying to convince her parents to return to the Amish community. It was especially hard for Sarah because she was leaving her best friend that she grew up with behind. Leaving the church means cutting off contact with everyone that’s still in the community. Audrie’s family stayed in Amboy after they were shunned, which meant that if Audrie passed by her childhood friends on the street, her friends could not approach her or even make eye contact. Audrie says that Rumspringa is not an offer that’s taken up too frequently, estimating that one in ten kids actually take the opportunity and most of them end up coming back to the Amish community before the year is over. Right before her family left the Amish community, Audrie’s older brother was about to take his Rumspringa, but now he jokes that “he got an extended one.”

L: What do you think is a common misconception the Amish community has of the “outside world?”

“I was always taught that others outside were ‘godless’ and had no chance of getting into heaven. I think that was the biggest misconception that I had.”

L: Do you miss that lifestyle? Is there any part of it that you liked?

“I can’t say I’d go back, but I do miss the way my brothers and sisters and I were closer.” Audrie says she liked the lack of technology and how that forced face to face connection.

L: Do you feel like movies and TV shows’ portrayal of the Amish lifestyle is accurate?

“They often make the Amish appear more strict and rude, I think. My [Amish community] was more lax on the rules.” Audrie says she had friends outside of the church that attended the public school two miles away. She recalls her father also having friends outside of the church, in addition to keeping the minivan he bought before willingly joining the community. “We were bad Amish,” Audrie jokes, saying that her family often broke the rules.

Since leaving the church, Audrie’s family has tried out different churches, none of which they stuck with. Audrie says her parents still believe in God but they don’t attend a structured church. Sarah attends a new church and is extremely religious, but Audrie doesn’t think her sister would go back to the Amish community ever again, because she just wants to be wherever her family is.