Confessions Of A Dunkin Donuts Addict
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Confessions Of A Dunkin Donuts Addict

You know it's bad when even Dunkin' thinks you're an addict.

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Confessions Of A Dunkin Donuts Addict
CNN

Hi, my name is Karla, and I am an addict.

And I may be laughing while I write this, but it's actually a bit of a problem: I am addicted to Dunkin' Donuts (and coffee). Go ahead. Roll your eyes at me. I proclaim my caffeine addiction at least once a day, usually in between my second and third cup of coffee, and I laugh about it because it is funny. I actually can't function on less than nine hours of sleep without a coffee. And then I got an email from Dunkin' Donuts Jan. 26 with the subject line "Karla — here's your DD Perks Year In Review!" and I began to see my addiction as slightly problematic...

(For those of you who don't know, DD Perks is a reward program for Dunkin Donuts which allows a member to collect points based on dollars spent at participating stores, which leads to free beverages.)

So let's look at my Year In Review, shall we?

Six stores visited. I go to school in Rhode Island but am from New Hampshire, so it makes sense that, over the course of a year, I'd hit up a few different locations.

Iced Coffee was your favorite item. Typical New Englander. No issue here.

Night Owl. Fair. I like drinking coffee after 5pm.

Three badges earned. Still trying to figure out exactly what this means.

Nine offers used. Hey, this actually shows that I'm saving money because I'm using coupons!

Now let's take a moment and address the real issues here:

Nine free beverages. One comes for my birthday, but regardless. The rest typically result from points. 200 points earns you a free beverage. Nine is not a good sign.

1,519 points. This is when it really gets bad. Let's do a little math, shall we? There are five points for every dollar spent.

1519 points/5 points per dollar = $303.80

Now, I know my Dad is reading this right now and having a heart attack, so let me just inform you all that most of that money came in gift card form. (I really like coffee, and everyone knows that).

But now it's about to get worse. This summer, I bought coffee solely with cash, neglecting my DD Perks account. So, in reality, I actually bought a lot more coffee than even DD Perks thinks. More than 1,519 points worth. I'm definitely in addict territory — thanks for the subtle hint, Dunk!

So yes, I now have the actual figures to prove that I drink too much coffee. But, hey, it could always be worse! Sorry to throw you under the bus here, Sean, but we've got another coffee addict in our Providence Odyssey family. It's true, and the other day, Dunkin' employees felt as if they needed to take the situation into their own hands:

Sean, a frequenter of the Dunks on campus and on a first name basis with the employees, had his order for a large iced coffee rejected just a few days ago. Yes, you read that right. Rejected. The cashier, recognizing Sean as a regular (re: coffee addict), joked with him, "No, I'm not giving you a large! You have a problem. This much caffeine can't be good for you... You can have a medium."

Seeing as I haven't reached the point of caffeine rejection yet, I think I'm in the clear... For now. Who knows what my next Year In Review could say?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Ethan Menzies

*Cue Epic Newsroom Music*

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