I have always been the kind of person who likes order, who likes to be prepared, who likes to have a plan, even if things don't go exactly the way I imagined. I am a self-proclaimed control freak. This comes with the territory of being the oldest sibling, with being a perfectionist, and with being a teacher. I am used to being in charge, so I want to feel like I'm in charge of all the areas in my life. Now, I have definitely gotten better over the years, but I still struggle with needing to have control over my situation.
But when do I ever get to have control?
This week has been particularly challenging for me. As life happens, I find myself in situations where I am desperate to have control. I want to be able to plan, I want to be able to know for sure what is going to happen. I don't like being surprised by things. I like to take the time to be prepared, whether that means planning a response to someone's text, or having a schedule for my day. I am totally fine with spontaneity, as long as I know about it beforehand!
Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that.
I believe that God uses the difficult situations in our lives to grow us, to help us to realize that He is in control, not us. No matter how hard I try, I won't be able to plan or control the many variables in my life. I have to trust that God has a plan that is bigger and better than mine.
Here's the truth I am faced with every day: I cannot predict what will happen at every moment. I cannot plan out everything and expect no deviations from that plan. There will be times when I want to throw my hands up because nothing is going the way I wanted it to. There will be other times when the change of plans turns out to be the best thing ever.
What I'm learning is that I can want things, but that won't make it happen. Worrying about a situation does nothing to help resolve it. I am learning to be ok with things not going to plan. I am learning to adapt to changes and relinquish control. It's a long road, but I'm trying. Each day, I'm farther along than I was yesterday. Let's face it, we're all a work in progress.