I know I’m about to disrespect a lot of people. I’ve said this out loud to family and friends before but I know that once this article hits the web I’ll become a social pariah as well as lose any chance of finding love. But with a heavy heart I must confess: I am not a dog person.
Hear me out though: I don’t hate dogs, I just don’t particularly obsess over them like the general public. Yes, of course, their great company, their loyal, their fun, and they love you unconditionally. That’s why their man’s best friend! However, they are not my best friend. It’s probably a key factor that I’ve had notable negative encounters with dogs. One being when I was that fetus age of 11, reading an Archie comic book in my aunt’s house when her pit-bull got loose, saw me, charged towards me, and ended up biting my leg in a brawl (#Traumatic). The second being when two dogs chased me down my home street (a dead end block) and I screamed “help” like the high pitch like child I was, pedaling furiously.
And every time I tell people about my encounters with dogs they just tell me it’s because I don’t know how to act around them. Probably true. But listen bruh, I can’t help feeling some type of way when I pass people walking their dogs on the street and they growl at me for breathing. And the minute they do you better believe my casual stroll turns to high cardio powerwalk. In those situations I just steer clear.
Same goes for when I go to someone’s house and they have a free roaming dog. I’m fine with that, but not when the host initially opens the door and the dogs starts sprinting towards me like Usain Bolt. Boy, chill. I don’t know what that mouth does, but I know what those fangs- I mean teeth- are capable of so let me just not come in the house yet.
It’s also not particularly my favorite thing when they start sniffing and licking my legs. I know it’s just what they do, but personal space bro. Plus, those spots of moist saliva on my legs just doesn’t feel right. It’s not particularly my favorite thing when I’m sharing chips or cookies with someone and their dog licks all over their hands and they proceed to keep touching/eating the shared delicacies. And I’m sorry but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be okay with watching people basically make out with their dogs. Just….no.
Now I really hate to be that person, but I’m pretty unaffected when people show me pictures of dogs online too. It’s like I’ll be out at dinner with friends who will just scroll through their newsfeed, say “awwww” and proceed to show me a picture or two puppies in a coffee mug. Listen, I agree that they cute AF, but I don’t need to see a new photo of these random canines s every 3 minutes. It’s not that serious.
I’m relieved that I got all of this off of my chest and despite all this I feel like maybe one day , I will find a pup to love. But for now it’s a struggle to just take care of me so I’m good.
I completely understand why this confession is probably not sitting right with many of you dog lovers but If it makes any difference, I don’t rock with cats either.
