"You aren't a workaholic, Janette. You're an aspiring one," said a friend, on one drizzling morning at a cafe. Said aspiring workaholic turned her red-lipped grimace at the other young woman, soaking in her words as much as she was soaking in her lukewarm coffee. Despite this, Lucila continued on with her criticism.
"A workaholic does not say they are a workaholic. A workaholic is someone who one day, sighs, and reaches a mental block because they are either just completely done - or are at a loss of which task they have to prioritize and finish first," she paused and placed her own cup of artisan-cappuccino on the burnished wood. "A workaholic is someone who revels in finally being able to socialize with her friends, while not really socializing at all because, hello -" Lucila dropped her heavy-lidded gaze at me. "They claim to be off from work, when in reality, their brain is going overtime with the amount of info its processing and planning at once."
Hook, line, and sinker.
The conversation remains fresh in my brain and I digress. Perhaps I am a workaholic, or perhaps I am a highly-motivated, Grade-A couch potato trying to finish everything, so that I won't have to do anything later on in the future. I prefer to think of the latter, because that is my reasoning for most of my early-finished work - because I want to have the time to relax, breathe, sleep, and not do anything.
As a workaholic, my silence means my mind is busy. Oh, I'm still listening to you prattle on about that newest Netflix show you've just binge-watched, but I am also trying to remember the notes I was studying last night for the test on Friday. Because I study early, because there are other deadlines more pressing, and I just want to lighten the load. And yes, I keep track of deadlines, I schedule around exam dates, project due dates, doctor's appointments, and other important stuff. I schedule around them for dates on which I can work on other things. Such as searching for internship opportunities, job openings, and maybe just even time to work on other projects that take more time to work on.
And yes, as a workaholic, I am aware that we last saw each other two-and-half-months ago. I am very aware of that, as well as I am aware of my social life declining with each new task I take and call I answer. Also, I am very attuned to the fact that sometimes I do take forever to answer your calls, emails, or messages. Or the fact that sometimes, I don't even answer them at all. It's not because I'm avoiding you or anything, please don't think that - it's just because I don't have the time to give you the attention our chat will take. When I go out out, when I talk to someone, I do it with all my being present. Mostly. I may still be running notes in my head but otherwise, you will have my utmost attention when I meet and/or talk to you.
However, let's face the music - I'm just an aspiring couch potato.