I won’t make any bones about this, I’m hungover. It has been a while since I have had a classic mind-numbing hangover. Can’t say I miss it, but there is something to be said about how you get over your hangovers. I have a few go-to methods, some strange, some by the book. If I can impart any wisdom on you reading this I feel content knowing my Thursday night exploits reaped some positive benefits. (And, of course, only those who are of age should be feeling the way I am.)
My personal favorite. The hardest part of the Bloody Mary is either the painstaking task of throwing all the ingredients together with the right proportions or waking up early enough to get your life together for a squad brunch. But the moment this great concoction hits your lips, it makes all the aforementioned labor worth it.
Call me basic, but what really makes the Bloody stand out for me is the eccentric garnishes. While I enjoy the classic look of the leafy celery stalk I am in no ways above the outlandish additions like Buffalo wings or a slice of pizza. The physical, emotional and spiritual state I am usually in when I’m knocking back a Bloody keeps me from being too picky. Throw me as many garnishes as you got, and if there is meat involved, even better.
This past weekend I found myself in a strange, foreign country called Canada. I experience a new and different culture of my own. It was truly a once in a lifetime experience. The standout moment of my time north of the border came during the Sunday afternoon lunch, right before I was headed back down south. The waitress asked if we wanted anything to drink besides water, and like I explained above I jumped at the chance for a bloody. Our waitress looked down at my foreign order and explained that in Canada they swap out the tomato juice in favor of Clamato, which is clam juice and a splash of tomato. I asked if I would be able to taste a difference, and she responded by telling me that yes I would, the Cesar would not taste disgusting like a bloody would. I was a bit taken back, but who am I to judge a culture that is not mine.
The drink came out and it was amazing. Spicy as hell and the clam juice was pretty solid. They still garnish the hell out of the ring so I felt right at home north of the boarder. Unfortunately, I think I was the only one in our party that enjoyed the change of pace. How closed minded of them.
These are hot right now and I get it. Brunch is trendy, Mimosas and bloodies are brunch staples, a lot of people can’t stand a bloody marry so they go Mimo. Orange Juice and Champagne, easy as it comes. Myself not my go to. Excuse me for being masculine, but the Mimosa doesn’t pack enough of a punch for me. Orange Juice is acidic and Champagne doesn’t even crack my top 10 favorite beverages. Also, they are typically served in flutes which means I’m not getting a good enough bang for my brunch buck unless I go bottomless.
If this is your go to morning cure I get it, while I myself do not see the advantages I will not judge you for that in anyway. I just ask you don’t give me too much of a glare when I turn down a mimosa and bite into a celery stick, splashing tomato juice and vodka everywhere.
If we are talking fix the hangover at all cost, this is the best option. Enough balance of hydration and hair of the dog to get the engine going. Will you get some side eye from the rest of the party when you order it, or worse yet grab one from the fridge before the noon football games kick off? Yes, you inevitably will. With the right pace and moderation though you’ll be feeling the best out of anyone. While the drinks I mentioned above are all very social acceptable to drink in the morning, they will force you to be taking a nap by 4 pm. If you want to just power up and forget you were even hungover, crack a light beer and take it easy for a little bit.
If you are feeling so awful that the thought of anymore alcohol seems brutal, Gatorade is the best of the best. Cold and flavorful, this electrolyte infused beverage will do the trick. Yes it’s going to be tough to take the hangover on like this, but unlike the hair of the dog methods above that basically just put off the inevitable, this is the responsible maneuver. God bless you for being the responsible one of the crew. You are probably the same friend that remembers everyone’s birthday without having to log into Facebook first. I aspire to be like you, but it took me sixteen years to remember my mom’s birthday, and I am in no ways responsible enough to have cold Gatorade ready for me the morning after a night out.
Coffee is a strange one. I personally have never drank a hot coffee during a hangover and felt better, in fact I often times feel worse. Something about it being hot and full of caffeine just messes me up more. The problem here is that I love coffee. I think about it as soon as I wake up, and often times I will get one when I’m feeling rough, only to realize yet again that it provides little comfort from the night before.
Much like the Gatorade, I aspire to one day be able to leave a speedway with a coffee in hand, drink it, and feel relief. I also want to drive a truck again, and have a dog in the passenger seat, probably on my way to split wood or something hands on like that. Maybe one day.
If you have nothing else, water will do just fine. For the love of God though, brush your teeth first or else you will taste everything from the night before - you and I both know you don’t want that. Fill up a water bottle and go back to bed. Throw on some Netflix too. I like to watch standup comedy when I’m hungover just because it feels good to laugh and be comfortable, and water feels comfortable as you feel the icy relief fill your chest. No water is not going to be a go-to in this list, but its solid and hopefully it’s always there for you.
Stay with me here. Pickle juice has some strange science stuff going on it that keeps you from cramping, so it must help with hangovers. If you have a jar of pickles in the fridge just take a swig of it as you stumble around your kitchen looking for a better option. The salty kick is just enough for you to get your balance, and find what you need. I recommend some quality deli cut pickles. In southern Ohio we have Izzy’s, which I would drink a jar of Thursday nights before game day. I never cramped up, I also never scored a touchdown, but that wasn’t the pickles fault.
Whatever it is you decide on, the important thing is to get something in your system and get moving. The day isn’t going to get better if you do nothing other than lay around thinking about when to post your Instagram picture from last night in order to get the most likes. Get up and make your Sunday great again.