I remember the first time I cut my hair. Before I finally went natural, I cut my relaxed hair into a short bob with bangs. I could not have anticipated the domino effect this action would have on my style, perception and future tendencies concerning my hair. On some weekend during my sophomore year of high school, my desire to exchange my long poofy hair and cheerleading uniform for something more mature landed me in the beauty shop. I remember when Tiffany, the hairdresser, turned me around to face my own reflection in the mirror. The feathery bangs and layered ebony bob framing my face left me speechless. I looked so fly. I walked out of there with the same brown bomber jacket and snug jeans I’d bought in the days prior, but I felt like a new woman. That day I caught the fever. Since then, my hair has only gotten more minimal. I ditched the relaxer and cut it progressively shorter. Today, I can cup my palm around the back of my head and feel the detail in my skull though the short layer of hair there.

I have a lot of love inside for my short hair. Every day, I am grateful, especially when I need to groom myself quickly. However, I've experienced an interesting range of responses to the length of my hair, from strangers and from loved ones. People have assumed things about my personality that are far from the truth. For anyone who is curious, any woman wanting to go short, and anyone else, here are some common misconceptions people have about women who cut their hair:

1. Men are not attracted to us.

I wish I could honestly say that I never cared about how the opposite sex viewed my hair. My feminist side hates this, but along my hair journey, I googled the male perspective on women’s short hair and the results were discouraging to say the least. I read an article about a woman who cut her hair and ended up getting dumped and multiple articles by men pleading for women to resist the pixie cut trend (arguably catalyzed by Rihanna). For about five minutes, the part of me that cares about people’s approval was self-conscious about my decision. But, when the initial impression of these opinions wore off, I reaffirmed my most important values: my dedication to authenticity and truth. After all, a short hair cut would never hinder the type of love I want in my life. The desire to be desirable should never hinder anyone from pursuing change. Before my first major haircut, people I loved asked me not to go through with it. Afterward, men who were attracted to me beforehand confessed that they weren’t anymore. Surprisingly enough, these admissions didn’t change how enamored I was with my own reflection. As time went on, I met plenty men who did not, nor agreed with, putting short-haired women down on the internet. Human beings have such a vast array of physical preferences. It would be a disservice to say that all men have traditional opinions regarding qualification for femininity. I would say the majority maintain those values, but at the end of the day, it should not play a factor in the choices women make regarding their hair. Take Lupita Nyong’o. She’s easily the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, but some people don’t see her physical appeal at all. Opinions vary and change, so it’s important to place all the importance on self-image. After all, confidence is sexy. If short hair makes you feel bold in your own skin, I’d say cutting your hair would be a step closer to true beauty.

2. We just went natural (for black women).

In recent years, many African-American women with previously relaxed hair have “gone natural,” meaning they transitioned into wearing a natural hairstyle by cutting off relaxed hair. A trademark of this movement is “the big chop,” which is a sudden removal of all relaxed hair, typically leaving what is commonly called a TWA: a teeny weeny afro. The TWA, in the naturalista community, is normally just the starting point on the road to full, thick, mane-like glory. If it were possible, most women would skip ahead to the world of possibilities long hair entails. When I came to college with my short hair, my HBCU (Historically Black College/University) community embraced what looked like the beginning of a “natural hair journey” on my head. Over a few weeks, people remarked enthusiastically on how fast it was growing. However, after I went in for my second haircut, people asked, “You cut it again?” The way my hair is styled now, it looks pretty intentional, so people rarely think I recently completed the big chop anymore, but people often ask me what made me want to maintain my short hair. When I don’t feel like explaining the justice I think it does for my facial features and the convenience in the mornings, I just answer simply by saying “I like it this way.”

3. We’ve had our heart broken.

This assumption is the most frustrating to me. I was not aware of the stereotype surrounding women who cut their hair after a break up until someone mentioned it to me. People are likely to wonder at the reasoning behind a drastic change in appearance. It’s normal, especially for family and friends. But the thought really embarrasses me. Any time someone thinks I cut my hair because of some type of emotional pain or trauma, I feel a little vulnerable. I’m not sure why, but I think it has to do with the contrast between the spike in positive feeling a new haircut gives me and the cloudy perception people have concerning my motives. The fact that people may ask me if I’m OK after I cut my hair shorter than normal makes me feel self-conscious. There is nothing wrong with women who react to an emotional event this way -- I can even follow that logic -- but I don't see myself ever adding or removing something from my body because I’m hurting internally.

4. We are gay.

…Sometimes. I didn’t predict this before I cut my hair. Sure, people told me that people normally associate short hair on women with queerness. Hair alone has never been an indicator of sexuality for me, but for many it is. Half way through my freshman year of college, quite a few people told me that they thought I was gay when they met me. Given, at the time, I had really gotten into thrift shopping and purchasing men’s oversized clothing. Some would use the word “androgynous” to describe my style, but I thought I was giving off a more Denise-from-the-Cosby-Show vibe. I never put much weight on that description of me until random people would tell me and one of my female friends that we were a "cute couple." Once, when our confusion was clear on our face, a man on the street said, “Don’t be ashamed!” in reference to our supposed statuses as sexual minorities. Even as I’ve gotten older and adopted a different style, people still carry their assumptions based on my short hair. I think it’s important to be self-aware, but I’ve learned not to bear the weight of people’s perception of me.

5. We are brave.

My advice: always take this as a compliment, no matter how shady it sounds! On the surface, hearing someone call you brave is pleasant. But, when the speaker inserts a pause in the right place, it can sound … well, let me give you an example: “I saw Danari today with those neon tights on with her overalls. Her fashion choices are … brave (insert conspiratorial eye look here).” This is an extreme example, but when people genuinely call your haircut brave, it’s sometimes a euphemistic way of saying “I’d never do that.” Which is fine! Everyone is an individual. But what one may consider brave, another would not. In some ways, the assumption that women with short hair are brave is like the assumption that women with natural hair are making a political statement when they, in fact, are simply doing what is practical for them. Women with short hair are sometimes looking to be edgy, but most of us are just doing what is most comfortable. For me to grow my hair long again would be true bravery because the complexity puts me out of my comfort zone. Short hair is definitely a safe place for me due to my low-maintenance and simple approach to style.

Any combination of the above statements can be true about women with short hair. However, it’s not ever safe to assume.