It’s sad to say that our world was once one that married young and loved everlasting. Sadly for my cohort we cannot say the same. Today I have more friends who are “talking to” or “seeing” someone but would shutter at the word “dating” or “relationship” and have never even been on a date that included no Netflix and no chilling. Unfortunately for us, this culture is not only condoned, but encouraged. I am a secure advocate against slut shaming, and a firm believer that each person has the power to choose each and every decision we make. If the lifestyle not-so-affectionately known as hookup culture is one that you support and appreciate, more power to you! That being said, it saddens me to think that some of my peers and closest friends may never know what authentic love genuinely feels like. Consequently I fear they will fall into a self-sabotaging pattern of hookups followed by sadness that he never called, or find themselves crying because of the overbearing feeling that they are unlovable. Behind all the glory of what has been deemed “hookup culture” lies an endless list of insecurities and a longing for something greater.

Hookup culture spreads its wings over the college community and beyond. For the last year and a half I’ve had the same wonderful boyfriend, who cares about me a lot, and whom I love profoundly. That being said, when it comes to weekend parties and simple day-to-day activities such as dinner with my friends, people are constantly asking if we’ve “broken up yet” insinuating that our maintaining our relationship is a negative thing.

I’ve heard one too many times from my most philosophic friends that they “feel bad for me” and that being in a relationship somehow “takes away from the college experience.” Please enlighten me, what is this uniform college experience everyone is so gung ho about, that I am so shamefully stripped of by having a boyfriend? These comments, while seemingly harmless penetrate your mind and leave you feeling offended and confused. I’ve thought to myself “is that true? Is being with the same person a stupid mistake? Am I missing out on something?” I would go out with my friends or listen to them talk about the various guys or girls they were going out with or hooking up with and each time I found myself on the outside, uninterested and unable to contribute to the conversation. Through a lot of introspection and consulting of my totally awesome roomie, I came to a conclusion. While going to parties that end in bed with different guys, and the stomach turning anticipation of him calling the next day may be a part of the college experience that some girls and guys crave and want, it’s not what I want.

I am not saying no to something fun and desirable, I’m not saying no to going out with my friends and having a good time, I’m saying yes to being in a relationship with the love of my life. I’m saying yes I want to be with someone who cares about me and fulfills me emotionally, I’m saying yes to end of the day phone calls asking about my headache and what I ate for lunch. I’m saying yes, to what in my opinion is so much greater. I’m still only “swiping right” for the same guy, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

Our generation, myself included, has a tendency to be so hypocritical when it comes to our opinions and beliefs. While trying endlessly to not offend our friends we condone and promote their behavior, and justify our own while simultaneously re-blogging and taking to our computers claiming how this same behavior is sad and how we want “dating culture” back. I’m not saying I don’t watch the bachelor, or listen to popular music that feeds into this hookup culture ideal, because that is just as much perpetuating it as our actions. I feel as if we’re all in this diffused state not knowing what exactly it is that we believe, and why we believe it and support it.

Whether you agree with this notion or staunchly disagree is entirely personal, but I cannot express enough how much it hurts when on the other side. We all become social justice warriors when it comes to slut shaming, but we neglect the reverse side of it. Drawing parallels to the idea that you shouldn’t tell a thin person to eat a burger meanwhile never commenting on an heavier person’s need to lose weight, we may not want to “slut shame” our friends who go out with a new person every night, but why should we turn around and make our other friends feel badly for being in a relationship? There’s a reverse side to every argument and neither side of it should be superior to the other. We never know what is sensitive or hurtful.

So regardless of which college experience you choose as your college experience, or whatever lifestyle you decide to live, it’s so important to be accepting of the lives of others. Don’t slut shame, but also don’t relationship shame.