Over the weekend I had an interesting discussion with a friend. I had just finished informing him about my hereditary progressive hearing loss and the question came up, would you rather lose your sight or your hearing? I didn't really think about it too seriously, it was a silly question that segued into more silly questions and it was forgotten.
On my drive to work today, the question popped into my mind while enjoying my music. I was absorbed in a particularly moving instrumental piece; I had my foot tapping, head bobbing, feeling the music coursing through me and I had this sudden realization that, at some point in my life, well before the normal age, I will be deaf. I will no longer be able to hear the flow of music, the trickle of flowing water or the deep rumble of my boyfriends voice through his chest. I will no longer be able to hear the whoom-whoom of my tires at speed, or the sound of my nephews voice's as they tell me about their days.
My favorite sounds in the world will be lost to my ears by the time I am 50.
The thought brings tears to my eyes. It is that thought that fuels my decisions to not settle, to listen to my favorite music without fear of judgement, to let myself get lost in the deepness of my significant other voice, to cherish every sound the world has to offer. Because some day, I'm going to have to rely on my memory of what sound sounds like and I want it to be as crisp and beautiful as it is now.
My friend's question brought forward thoughts that I try to shove down and ignore, to not acknowledge because whether I want to admit it or not, going completely deaf is one of my biggest fears. So if you see me on campus, headphones jammed into my ears and I am tapping along or even dancing, just know, this is the reason why.
