Homosexuality for a long period of time has been seen as unnatural and, in the case of many religious institutions, sinful. Within society the discourse surrounding homosexuality has been predominantly negative. It wasn't until 1973 that homosexuality was actually removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. And even today many people within very strict religious environments are forced to refute a very essential part of their being so as not to be ostracized by their family and friends.
I was fortunate enough to have an incredible family environment where my coming out was relatively easy and pain-free. I was raised as a Roman Catholic and was put through Catholic school all through my life. I do not resent my parents for doing so, because I received an excellent education because of this; but at the same time it was difficult for me to even think about my sexuality until I was away from such negative discourse towards the LGBTQ community. The discourse I was raised in was polarized in many ways, my immediate and extended family always were accepting and positive surrounding people who were homosexual, but many of my friends and the people surrounding me at school were not as accepting. Disclaimer: The idea surrounding people who are homosexual in the Catholic church is that being homosexual is not a sin, but acting on these inclinations is sinful. Many members of the Catholic church disagree or disregard this idea, and my immediate family is one of those many people.
I first began to think that I might be gay in junior year of high school, but it wasn't until my freshman year of college that I fully accepted this idea. It was terrifying. I knew that my family would be pretty accepting, but I was terrified to tell my friends, and apparently I had a right to be. When I came out to my family many of them told me that they either knew or suspected, but when I told my friends it was as though everything they knew about me was utterly and completely wrong. Two of my friends who I had been friends with since I was in eighth grade didn't know how to react. They struggled with their faith and their love for me and it was difficult for them to really understand. In the end we had a big falling out ending in harsh words being said on both sides and blocking each other on social media. It hurt so badly to think about the friends that I lost, and after days of crying I finally pulled myself together to think about the relationships I lost. I constantly think about them. Wondering how they are doing and how their life is going, but I know that it is much healthier for me to not have them in my life; I can't have someone in my life who is ambivalent about their feelings toward me. I need to surround myself with people who love and accept me fully and want to know me as a lesbian woman.
It has been about a year since I came out. I am a year into my first (and hopefully only) relationship, and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. My girlfriend is the most supportive and kindest person that I know. She has very quickly become my best friend. She is my favorite person in the world and easily makes me laugh when I am sad. She understands my insecurities and accepts them and helps me through the difficult times in my life. She is fiercely protective of me (I am kind of a pushover) and when she sees me being taken advantage of takes action to stop it. If that isn't love then I don't know what is.
It has been a very long year and a very quick year at the same time. I have grown so much and come to understand myself as a person. I still have a lot of growing to do, but I am ready to take it on.
