First off, I’m going to admit that knowing my family will read this, I’m nervous and apprehensive to write about this topic, but I know that I have to.
It has been 11 months since I came out to my parents. Without a doubt, that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Why? I’m not so sure. I knew they wouldn’t kick me to the street; I knew I would be accepted. So, what was my problem?
I believe it was the “small” things. I didn’t want to be misunderstood. I didn’t want to be looked at or treated differently. I didn’t want to see their disappointment, embarrassment, and shock. I wanted to be taken seriously. I want my relationship to be valid just like my brother’s relationship with his girlfriend and my sister’s relationship with her boyfriend. Love is love, and if I love my girlfriend (no, she’s not my “friend”) just as much as everyone loves their significant others, how is it any different?
We live in a world of heteronormativity. What do I mean by this? Heteronormativity is defined by “denoting or relating to a world view that promotes heterosexuality as the normal or preferred sexual orientation.”
Look around. Notice main characters in your favorite shows, movies and books. Unless you went to the LGBT tab on Netflix or the small section in the corner of the library, they’re straight. Why do we need our own sections? This makes me feel even more uncomfortable being different! Why can't LGBT books and movies be in the same sections as the "normal" books and movies? Although being gay, bisexual, and trans is becoming more and more common, the media still doesn’t portray it that way.
Most people don’t realize that we are still oppressed. Yes, it is legal in all fifty states to get married. This was obviously a huge milestone for the community, but it doesn't suddenly erase homophobia and fix all of the problems.
Less than a year ago, 50 gay men and women were killed at a nightclub in Orlando; around fifty others were injured. About 84% of LGBT students reported being called names or threatened because of their sexual orientation or gender expression. According to the Human Rights Campaign, LGBT youth are twice as likely as their peers to say they have been physically assaulted, kicked, or shoved at school. About 30% of LGBT youth say their family is not accepting or is homo/transphobic. Just hearing, “that’s gay”, makes me shiver and cringe. Even if you don’t realize it, this phrase is meant to be negative and derogatory! Many people don’t understand how powerful and hurtful words are, especially when they come from those you love. Just don’t say it.
I will have to come out everyday, for the rest of my life. Everyone I interact with will assume that I am straight and I will be asked if I have a boyfriend. If I’m in the mood, this will lead me to come out to them and tell them that no, but I do have a girlfriend. This may take them off guard, and God only knows what their reaction will be. Maybe something like, “Oh! You don’t look like a lesbian!”
This takes me to another topic: stereotypes. I know plenty of gay men who could beat you unconscious in a minute. Gay guys are not fags; they aren’t weak, and all of them aren't feminine either. All lesbians aren’t manly. I’m sure if you actually think about it, you can think of masculine gay men and feminine gay women.
I was born this way. It was not something my parents did wrong while raising me. I was not sexually assaulted by a man, this is not for attention, and I most certainly did not choose this for myself. Being gay isn’t easy. It’s not. I’m part of a minority group. I am a potential target to many ignorant people.
I think that having a gay person in people’s lives teaches them things like this; to educate them on huge topics like this. I hope I have taught my family something over the last year. I hope that I have made them more understanding and accepting.
Bottom line, I shouldn't feel apprehensive to mention my girlfriend. I hope and pray that my family members protect my community when conversing with others. I hope they think of me as a person before they remember that I am gay. I hope they know and remember that I am still me. I will always be me. Although this is a huge part of me, it doesn’t change who I am.
