Over the past several years, the United States has become more and more accepting towards people in the LGBTQ+ community. As a result, more and more students are coming out to their teachers and peers during the school year.
While this experience can be liberating, it can also be difficult for a variety of reasons. From changing your name to dealing with bullies, almost every trans student experiences these things when first coming out at school. I know firsthand how daunting it can be to come out, especially in the southern United States. Here are some situations that I went through when I first came out to my high school.
1. You'll get misgendered a lot at first.
Whether your gender is binary or nonbinary, if you're transgender, chances are you'll be using different pronouns than you did before you came out. When I came out, it took a while for people to get used to calling me he/him and some people still misgender me on a regular basis.
It will take some time for your friends and teachers to get used to calling you different pronouns, so be prepared. When somebody misgenders you, chances are it's not on purpose, so be patient.
2. If you go by a different name, it'll take a while to catch on.
Just like with pronouns, if you're choosing to go by a different name, it will take some time for people to stop referring to you by your birth name.
Be patient with your friends and teachers; most of the time, they won't even realize that they've done it. However, don't be afraid to give somebody a gentle reminder if they call you the wrong thing multiple times.
3. Substitute teachers will slip up sometimes.
My worst nightmare for the past six months has been substitute teachers because they almost always use my birth name when checking attendance. If this is the case for you, you've just got to remember that just like with your friends and teachers, substitute teachers will slip up on your name and pronouns sometimes.
4. People will ask you some tough questions.
Once you come out, this one is bound to happen a lot. People are curious and sometimes a bit nosy, so their natural instinct is to ask questions if they don't know something.
Sometimes you may not know all of the answers, and that's okay. However, you may receive some questions that are invasive or uncomfortable and it's also okay to refuse to answer a question if necessary.
5. If you're in choir or band, clothing may be an issue.
Different schools have different policies when it comes to clothing during performances and concerts. Some may be more lenient and allow you to present as your correct gender; others may be the opposite and make you wear clothes that are indicative of the gender marker on your birth certificate.
Thankfully, I'm lucky enough to go to a school where I can dress in more masculine attire for my choir concerts. If you are confused about any of your school's policies, ask the administrators and/or your director.
6. Your fellow classmates may not always be kind.
A more serious issue that I've dealt with (and that millions of LGBTQ+ students deal with) is being bullied over my sexuality and gender identity. If you are bullied or harassed at school, the first step is to tell a guidance counselor or administrator.
They are required by law to address the situation, no matter where you live or what the school officials' personal beliefs are. If the bullying is only in the form of words, ignore it if you can, but if it's constant and/or more physical, definitely tell an adult. Most importantly, don't believe bullies when they make fun of you. You are you, and the fact that you have the bravery to come out is beautiful.
7. Your ¨friends¨ may not always be supportive.
Just like people's identities differ from each other, so do their beliefs. In some cases, this may cause some of your friends to distance themselves from you, especially if you live in a more conservative area.
Don't expect everyone to be kind and supportive once you come out, but don't be afraid to come out if you're ready. From my experience, you'll lose friends and also gain new ones.
8. You may notice your gender dysphoria getting worse.
Depending on what kind of dysphoria you have (social, physical, or both), it may become worse once you come out. If you experience social dysphoria, especially related to your name and pronouns, being misgendered and called the wrong name on a daily basis will probably cause an increase in dysphoria.
If you experience body dysphoria (in relation to your hair, voice, height, etc.), you may notice that getting worse as well, as you may be more insecure about those parts of yourself. However, dysphoria is different for everybody, so what doesn't affect you may affect another transgender person in other ways or more intensely.
9. Coming out at school will be a huge test of patience.
I'm not gonna lie on this one, coming out can cause you to get a lot more irritated and impatient with people. Constantly being called the wrong name and pronouns even after you've come out isn't easy. If you're coming out, chances are you've probably known who you are for a while and you're used to calling yourself a different name and pronouns in your head and maybe even online. However, you do need to keep in mind that other people aren't as used to it and try to remain patient with them.
10. Your biggest challenge: accepting yourself.
This one can be tough, depending on who you are and how comfortable you are in your identity. If you're like me, you've probably grown up in a fairly conservative part of the country where gay and transgender people aren't accepted as easily.
I grew up in a Christian household as well, so it's been tough reconciling my faith with my identity. You just have to remember that you are who you are, and that's just how it is. The only thing you can do about that is learning to accept and love yourself. That sounds cliche, but it's true.
Like all life experiences, there are pros and cons to coming out. Just remember to be safe, be prepared for anything, and don't be afraid of who you are. Whether you're in high school or college, binary or nonbinary, coming out is your thing and you should be proud of yourself for being brave enough to be open about yourself.
I wish all of you readers good luck on your journey, whether you're still in the closet or already out and proud.
