To you, whoever you are,

I write to you today because you’re just as scared as I am. I write to you because you might have questions about yourself, much like I did and still do. Maybe you’re in high school, surrounded by people you think will push you away. Maybe you’re an adult and you’ve been hiding for a long time.

I can’t even begin to put myself in your shoes. The simple fact is no two stories are the same, and even though I might know what it is like to struggle with my identity, I don’t know the little things about you that make you (and your story) unique.

I write today simply because I am bisexual. I thought this would be some grandiose gesture, and I thought it would receive a lot of fanfare. Maybe it will, I don’t know. This letter isn’t published yet. I just know when I thought I would write this (because I’ve been struggling all week) I thought it would feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulder. I trudged through all of high school, wanting desperately to embrace the part of me that seemed like it might destroy me. I felt trapped because I wasn’t sure how my friends were going to receive it or even how my family would receive it. I also felt if I could just push through high school without coming out, I would be able to move and come out on my own terms.

That’s exactly what happened, too. I came out to my family totally by accident. Of course, it wasn’t met with absolute acceptance at first, and there were many questions, mainly from my brothers. I promised myself, from that moment on, I would be in complete control of when I came out to respective groups. And after that, I came out to my best friends over a meal in St. Louis last summer before I left for Princeton. They were nothing but supportive. The first time I ever came out to a group I wasn’t close to was my first night on campus, during a meeting with my fellow advisee group. The absolute moment I said it, I felt free.

However, I realized, as time went on, students really don’t care. We aren’t a politicized campus necessarily, and students are too busy to really put much effort into caring. When I talk to people and I tell them I’m bisexual, I don’t receive the same reception I would, perhaps, at home, I walk around, and everyone I love here on campus knows, and no one treats me differently (as far as I know). In that respect, my story is way different from what my friends have faced.

The point, however, is if you’re reading this, and you haven’t “come out” yet, it’s completely your own story. Do what you want to. Do it now, if you wish. Do it after high school or college, if you want. Never come out if you’re not comfortable or you feel it’s not safe. It’s your story, and the bottom line is you are completely in control.

Do not let others speak on your experience.