The Dreaded DTR (Defining The Relationship)

The Dreaded DTR (Defining The Relationship)

More proof that we are driving ourselves from a monogamous society

So, you're sitting there thinking about that guy or girl that you've been "talking" to (also known as "a way to test out a relationship to see if it would work with a set of ridiculous unspoken rules that are never clear"), and you want to know what's next. You've been having a good time with them, but have no idea where you stand with them. Are you exclusive? Are you "dating?" Are they saying the same nice stuff that they say to you to other people? Is there any future with this person at all, or are they just wasting your time? Once the questions start, they never stop until you do the dreaded DTR.

No one wants to be the first to DTR (define the relationship) because they don't want to seem too clingy, but it eventually needs to happen.

Stereotypically in the past, if a boy starts the DTR conversation, it's negative; usually in a way that either dissolves the "relationship" completely, or cuts off romantic pieces of the relationship and sticks the partner with "let's just be friends".

Now don't get me wrong here, girls can be part of this negative stereotype conversation as well. In fact, girls have been more likely to do this in the past few years with the ever popular sticking them in the "friend-zone" (the inescapable place girls put their old potential partners in hopes of being friends while she eventually finds someone else).

It's important to know that there are only a couple different ways that a DTR conversation can go.

First, and most common, there is the situation where one person likes the other much more than the other. This often results in either the "friend-zone" or a friends with benefits relationship. Sadly, people would much rather be friends with an addition of physical interactions in an unromantic nature than have just a friendship with a person. I personally believe that this is because the person who likes the other party more wants them to be so happy that they will literally put their own happiness on the line and torture themselves for the other person. And guess what? That person torturing themselves will most likely never get credit for what they do for the other person. Also, the person loses respect by the other party once physical actions start as the friendship awkwardly diminishes until all that's left is a booty call. How sad of a world do we live in? The only other solution in this situation is to ghost each other and hold the amazing ability to be able to walk right past each other without showing any sign that you used to have feelings for each other, or even know each other in general. Slay on the outside, hurt on the inside. That's the motto today, right?

Second, and rather rare, is the actual relationship that comes from the conversation. You both decide that you want to pursue the relationship further and become "official".

DTR is one of those "keep your hopes high but expectations low" kind of deal. Good job 21st century for continuing to drive society away from a monogamous culture.

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The Ultimate Guide To Making Your Casual Relationship A Serious One

My relationship is proof that it works.

Are you stuck in a casual relationship that you want to take to the next level? If so, you are in the right place. I know that this can be intimidating, but I'm here to help you along the way. About a year ago, I was in the same position as you. I was seeing this guy just about every week. He would text me asking me to come over to his place. I would always say "yes," and that never failed. It was just an ongoing thing where we just went to his place and I am almost positive his friends did not even know I existed.

SPOILER ALERT: it has almost been a year and I have managed to make that relationship a serious one. I am best friends with his sister. He takes me out just about every weekend. His friends are now my friends. We see each other as much as possible. I am the happiest that I have ever been. The following steps worked for me and I am sure that they will work just as well for you!

Step 1: Ask to hang out more.

If you guys are only hanging out one night a week, ask about seeing each other maybe two times a week. If he/she agrees, this is a great sign and may mean that they are interested in you. Also, the more time you spend with someone, the more they get to know you, and the more they will like you.

Step 2: Try to hang out during daytime hours.

It is kinda weird to just hang out with someone exclusively at night. There are a few exceptions, such as if one of you work a full-time job. But, hanging out during the day definitely gives a *different* vibe.

Step 3: Go public.

Or at least try to. Ask if the other person will run errands with you or even go out somewhere with you. Assure them they you both can pay for your own food, drinks, etc. If they are willing to go, that is a good sign. If they offer to pay, that is an even better sign.

Step 4: Ask about their friends.

Just ask him about who he hangs out with, even if you already know because of social media. This opens up a chance for him to invite you to go somewhere with his friends. It also shows him that you are interested in his life, which will make him more attracted to you.

Step 5: DTR.

DTR aka define the relationship. Okay, so I know this sounds super scary. But seriously, you just need to ask the other person if they think this will turn into something more serious. Don't do it in a weird way. Just do it in a kind of casual way, as if you are asking for their opinion. This will definitely get them thinking about whether or not they want to actually commit. Depending on their answer, you will know whether to drop them or stick around.

Step 6: Be open.

This is so so so important. Just be open about what you are looking for, that way you aren't wasting anybody's time. Plus, they may admire your openness.

These are the steps I took to take my relationship up a notch, and I am happier now than ever. Remember, if you are in a casual relationship, but you want something more, you aren't trapped. You can leave whenever you want to.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash via Becca Tapert

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A Wake-Up Call To The Guy Who Doesn't See His Girl Is One-Of-A-Kind

Remember: your girl's happiness is important.

There are over 7.6 billion people in this world. But your girl, the girl you are so deeply in love with, she is unique, beautiful and extraordinary. That is what makes her one-of-a-kind.

She listens to you talk, she gives you advice, she motivates you to be the BEST you. She is always there for you, she constantly puts the effort into the relationship, and she never gives up. She never gives up on you when the going gets tough and she will never give up on you because that's the kind of girl she is.

She is the kind of girl that will make sure you are happy and who will never stop trying. She is the kind of girl who wants to spend the rest of her life with you. AND she is the girl who will put up with you when you have a breakdown.

Now if you have a girl like that, who is your best friend, don't you EVER, I mean EVER, mess it up.

Never take this girl for granted because she is the best thing for you and probably the best thing that has ever happened to you.

So, guys, if you are having relationship problems with your girl and she is constantly trying to put effort into it, don't you DARE ignore it or her.

This is your wake up call.

Please reevaluate what you are doing and take a step back and think to yourself, "Am I making her happy? Am I giving her my all? And am I put any putting an effort into this relationship as much as she is?"

If the answer is no... Here is what she is feeling and thinking:

"Am I not enough?"
"Do I make him happy anymore?"
"I don't want to give up... I could never give up... but I am so exhausted from trying so hard and not getting any effort back."

And if you know if she is feeling like this, please reassure her and give her your all. Because one day she is going to be TOO exhausted to try anymore. She is going to be too miserable and awfully sad. She is eventually going to give up. And it is going to rip her heart out.

She is a one-of-a-kind girl and if you NEVER want to lose her.

PUT. EFFORT. INTO. THE. RELATIONSHIP — It is honestly not that hard.

Relationships are not one-sided. Relationships take two people to work and yes, sometimes it is hard work. But if you genuinely love and care for your one-of-a-kind girl, you'd do anything in your power to make her happy and to make this last.

She is one in a million. There is only one of her. And I promise you, you will never find another girl like her unique self.

This is to the couples out there, especially to the guy. That girl, the girl who loves you with every ounce of her being, she needs you to wake up.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

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