The Dreaded DTR (Defining The Relationship)

The Dreaded DTR (Defining The Relationship)

More proof that we are driving ourselves from a monogamous society
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So, you're sitting there thinking about that guy or girl that you've been "talking" to (also known as "a way to test out a relationship to see if it would work with a set of ridiculous unspoken rules that are never clear"), and you want to know what's next. You've been having a good time with them, but have no idea where you stand with them. Are you exclusive? Are you "dating?" Are they saying the same nice stuff that they say to you to other people? Is there any future with this person at all, or are they just wasting your time? Once the questions start, they never stop until you do the dreaded DTR.

No one wants to be the first to DTR (define the relationship) because they don't want to seem too clingy, but it eventually needs to happen.

Stereotypically in the past, if a boy starts the DTR conversation, it's negative; usually in a way that either dissolves the "relationship" completely, or cuts off romantic pieces of the relationship and sticks the partner with "let's just be friends".

Now don't get me wrong here, girls can be part of this negative stereotype conversation as well. In fact, girls have been more likely to do this in the past few years with the ever popular sticking them in the "friend-zone" (the inescapable place girls put their old potential partners in hopes of being friends while she eventually finds someone else).

It's important to know that there are only a couple different ways that a DTR conversation can go.

First, and most common, there is the situation where one person likes the other much more than the other. This often results in either the "friend-zone" or a friends with benefits relationship. Sadly, people would much rather be friends with an addition of physical interactions in an unromantic nature than have just a friendship with a person. I personally believe that this is because the person who likes the other party more wants them to be so happy that they will literally put their own happiness on the line and torture themselves for the other person. And guess what? That person torturing themselves will most likely never get credit for what they do for the other person. Also, the person loses respect by the other party once physical actions start as the friendship awkwardly diminishes until all that's left is a booty call. How sad of a world do we live in? The only other solution in this situation is to ghost each other and hold the amazing ability to be able to walk right past each other without showing any sign that you used to have feelings for each other, or even know each other in general. Slay on the outside, hurt on the inside. That's the motto today, right?

Second, and rather rare, is the actual relationship that comes from the conversation. You both decide that you want to pursue the relationship further and become "official".

DTR is one of those "keep your hopes high but expectations low" kind of deal. Good job 21st century for continuing to drive society away from a monogamous culture.

Cover Image Credit: pinimg.com

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An Open Letter To The Boy I Never Dated

Thanks for the memories.
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Dear Boy I Never Dated,

You know who you are. I just want to get a couple things off my chest.

First, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being my friend, my ally, and at one point an important part of my life. Despite the fact that our relationship never went past the friend stage, I will never regret the time I spent with you or the memories we made. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so we were meant to be in each other's lives. Sure, I could go on and say that you missed out, how I'm an awesome person and all that stuff but that wouldn't do anything. We're both awesome people. Us never being a couple could never take away from that.

Honestly, I still consider us to be friends no matter where life takes us. I'm only one text or Snapchat away.

I do want to make one thing clear: I've moved on. I don't care what you've thought in the past or what you've been told, I'm seriously over it. I've been over it, despite what you think. I'm over everything; the pointless drama, the rumors, the over-thinking, and the self-doubt. I no longer care that you weren't interested in me in "that way." Honestly, this all went down so long ago that I don't even remember everything that happened.

I've met new people, had new experiences, and grew as a person. You've even noticed that I've changed. I'm the not the same girl that pined for you all those years ago. I care about you, obviously, but I know where we stand. Neither one of us needs to deal with the what-ifs or maybe-some-days. We both deserve loving committed relationships where the person you're with is 100% invested in you and vice versa. So maybe I am a text away, but that doesn't mean I'm available anymore.

If there's one thing about people that can get you down is that we're always disappointing. Either we're disappointing other people or disappointing ourselves. It is way too easy to break your own heart. I was guilty of that I think. I got too optimistic and thought we were on some path to greatest when in reality we were just two young kids that enjoyed spending time together. When things didn't go in my favor, I probably placed the blame on you because I was upset.

It took time for me to reflect and finally accept that I wasn't perfect, either. Now, I don't think anyone was at fault. Whether it was bad timing, lack of compatibility, or maybe lack of maturity neither one of one did anything wrong. At the time, it seemed so horrible that we never even tried but when I look back it's not a big deal.

To be completely honest, I'm now glad we never dated. There is no more resentment, bitterness, or pettiness. I don't think there was any to begin with, but I apologize if there was. Our lives may be going toward separate paths, but they're both paths of greatest. I'm completely, absolutely happy with where I am in life and all I can say is that I wish the same for you. When our paths do cross again someday, I'll be more than happy to see you.

With (platonic) love,

The Girl You Never Dated


Cover Image Credit: freestocks.org

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Poetry On Odyssey: The Wolf

"Some girls are full of heartache and poetry and those are the kind of girls who try to save wolves instead of running away from them" -Nikita Gill

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You were the wolf

The one I should've ran away from

When your ugly howls tried to scold

The imagination strung so boldly

Inside my mind

That you tried to find

You were the wolf

The one I tried to tame

With love and care and shame

But just like all the rest you feasted on my kindness

Like fresh meat after a long winter's blindness

You dug into me with your teeth

As painful as a fire's heath

And I fell over bleeding

And you started feeding

My heart still beating

You launched one last time

And crime was in the shadows of my eyes

You cared none

You were done

The last strike

Showed me dislike

Deep inside that heart of spikes

As I began to sit up

And cover myself in makeup

I was fine

Except my heart was not mine

You took what could never be retrieved

Something that never would've been relieved

By the darkness you left inside me

So take my heart and smash it to smithereens

Because there is no way in hell I'd want that thing

Back inside me.

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