Around this time three years ago, I was underweight, taking naps every day after school, and being treated for anxiety and depression all because of some guy who I thought I was in love with.
I'll admit, I'm 100 percent completely over him and the fact that he broke me down so much so that I thought killing myself was the way out... although, I still talk about it because of the fact that I still hear he talks about me and how "crazy" I was and that sticks with me.
It sticks with me because I wasn't "crazy." I was a girl who was constantly being lied to and manipulated by someone who I thought cared about me.
I was called every name in the book, told who I could and couldn't hang out with, told what I could and couldn't wear, and was lied to all the time about where he was going. For example, he would tell me he's going to go hang out with one of his buddies, but in reality, he would hang out with this other girl behind my back. Even though I wasn't able to hang out with my guy friends who have been there for me since middle school.
I actually started to believe I was crazy because I was constantly wondering what I was doing wrong and how I could do better.
But in reality, I was doing the best I could and I was simply in a relationship with a controlling, narcissistic boy. There's no way in hell he was a man with the way he treated me.
I was so upset and angry with myself because I let someone like him drive me to rock bottom. Looking back at it, I don't understand why I just didn't get up and leave. I tried many times back then when I was 18-years-old, but somehow he'd always "apologize" and I'd get sucked right back in.
It's been three years since I admitted myself to the inpatient treatment program at my local hospital for a suicide attempt, depression, and anxiety.
Looking back at it, if I would've ended up going through with it, I wouldn't be achieving the great things I'm doing today in this world. I wouldn't be finishing my junior year of college and planning on graduating next spring. I wouldn't be achieving my goal of working in the sports journalism industry. I wouldn't be here making my mark.
Honestly, I wouldn't say I'm glad I went through the trauma of an abusive relationship, but I'm sure glad I learned what I don't deserve and how a man should never treat me.
I couldn't make you treat me right, but I know deep down you're wishing you did. I'm convinced you weren't good to me because you knew I was already too good for you.
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