I Come With Instructions
Whether it be his mom, sister, grandmother, or girlfriend, guys wish that females would come with an instruction manual. A manual to solve all their problems. What to buy for Christmas and how to answer the multitude of questions that he gets asked during the time he is at home. Such as: “When are you getting married”, “When are you having kids?” “Do you even have a girlfriend”, “How about work”? These questions can result in a massive headache and a ton of prayers of how to get your family off your back. However, if you are in the dating world or just dealing with your Mom, here are a few instructions.
Love Them.
Not just the good parts, or pretty parts, or the parts that make you feel good, love all the parts that make up your mom, grandma, or girlfriend. Love my red face whenever I am trying not to cry because it means that I am trying to be strong. Love your mom when she asks you about marriage, or kids. It means that she cares enough to take interest in your life to ask about someone special in your life. Love the scars or wrinkles that appear now or later in life on our faces that means we survived whatever was beneath them. More importantly, love the nights you are able to spend with everyone regardless of how angry or annoyed they make you because of the argument you had earlier in the day.
Respect.
If you wouldn’t treat your mother, sister, cousin, or grandmother a certain way, do not think that is acceptable to do to me. I may feel safe, or I may be the easiest target of your frustration, anger, disappointment, or apathy, but I can assure you I am not. Hold me to the same standard of respect, because when careers and friends move on, family and I will remain.
Cherish Them.
Time is precious, and can be cut short at a moment’s notice and everything left unsaid will be like an anchor in your heart. Cherish me, because I cherish you every day that you make me smile, or effort to make me feel like I am loved and I am important. But do not just cherish me, cherish others around you and the relationships you have formed. Because as each day passes, a wrinkle could be deeper, and eyes can be more tired.
Learn Them.
Learning the little things, like what type of wine they like to drink, or the trip someone is about to go on can make the biggest difference. Start conversations about the upcoming trips, maybe the upcoming baby, a new engagement, or maybe even a hobby. Learning the small details of the ones important to you makes the best difference, and even the biggest smile appear whenever you ask those lingering questions at that next family reunion. For me, don’t just learn my favorite color (it changes daily), or my favorite flower (Ryan should already know this). Learn the way I bite my pencil when I can’t figure out my calculus homework, or the way I talk through every romantic comedy because I “know” what is going to happen next. Learn the way for my mind works for a time when I may need you to help find what I once was.
Acknowledge Them.
Always, every denial of me and others significantly reduces the importance of people to others in your life. Acknowledge my feelings and dreams because even though you may not share them or understand them, it leads back to respect. Acknowledge the little things. Such as your mom making breakfast for you a weekend you are home, or buying your favorite snacks to fill the pantry. Praise is not needed, just noticing that everyday your loved ones do things to help make day to day life easier.
Finally,
Dream with me. What are we going to live? What color curtains do we want? How many dogs do we want? Because even if it is just the two of us in a small rinky dinky apartment somewhere I want you to know that if you had it your way, I would be included in those grand plans just because you want to be with me.
Please note all of these instructions may work, but the most important thing is to try to love and respect everyone in your life. Having these tools will help pave the way for everything else.
