John. C. McGinley's portrayal of Doctor Perry Cox on NBC's (and later ABC's) "Scrubs" is unprecedented. He's witty, sarcastic, bitter, egocentric, somehow quite caring, and downright hilarious. He doesn't necessarily have the best outlook on life, and he isn't always that swell to be around. I think that college students can honestly relate to that; we get very caught up in ourselves, and we aren't always a joy for people to be with either. That's why I'm sold on the idea that college can turn people into Doctor Cox. I have compiled some of his best lines that I think we can all relate to, at some point.
We have all become experts at procrastination and getting out of things we don't feel like doing.
Goodness gracious. Suddenly I’m getting the most intense headache.
We all do it, we just shouldn't make a habit out of it. Sometimes we just bite the bullet and do it anyway. Cox has an accurate reaction to this as well.
"We’re four seconds in and I’m already regretting my decision."
When you have an evening class, and all you want to do is catch whatever football or basketball games that are on.
Most of us probably don't have massage chairs, but our thrift store quality couches will work just as well. It's a struggle to find the motivation to make it to the recreation center several times a week.
"The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body."
Okay, nobody should hate their body. However, there's nothing wrong with trying to live a healthier lifestyle. Of course, we love our roommates, but sometimes we are desperate for a weekend to ourselves back at home.
When all you want is food on a Saturday night and your friends can't agree on where to go. Come on, come on, come on! We gotta make a decision here. Sometimes, it's best to take charge and decide for everyone.
We all have that friend who always has something to complain about, and we sometimes are a bit insensitive.
"Keep all of your feelings bottled up inside where they so belong!"
"We can all try to be better listeners."
We all have our extremely blunt or sarcastic moments.
I hope we can approach conversations a little better.
Roommates are bound to get into arguments, and most of the time neither one wants to budge. It's easy to react like Dr. Cox.
"Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. You’re wrong, you’re wrong, you’re wrong."
And if it continues to escalate.
"You see, we are both egotistical peas in a giant narcissistic pod. And, to prove my point, I’m gonna go ahead and make a unnecessarily showy but undeniably impressive exit."
You'll have to find somewhere to hang out until it's eventually time to saunter back in and make amends.
When you're trying to do the best you can, but you're always expected to do better.
It's easy to get stuck feeling this way; just remember that the expectations that truly matter are your own.
We sometimes blow everyone's minds with our deep philosophies, because we're college educated adults with tons of life experience.
"Relationships don’t work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won’t they, and then they finally do and they’re happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, ’cause I do believe in it. Bottom line -- the couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don’t let it take ’em down."
Realistically, we have very little life experience and probably aren't as profound as Dr. Cox, although we all like to think otherwise.
When you aren't a touchy person, but your friends happen to be.
"So now, how would you like this whole hug thing to go down? Do you wish to remain seated, would you like to stand? I, of course, don’t care, as long as it’s under three seconds and I don’t feel your breath on my neck."
"Bottom line: We’ll be bestest friends foreverest if you just keep your face out of my face."
Some teachers think it's a great idea to assign excessive amounts of homework on weekends that there is a home football game.
"I was just wondering how you comb your hair so the horns don't show."
Don't ever give up a Saturday tailgating and watching football if you can help it. Be prepared to work nonstop on Sunday, though.
After walking around the tailgate scene, you'll be pretty sure that a large number of people have really taken Dr. Cox's philosophies to heart.
"Here’s the plan: I’m gonna go ahead and cram an entire evening’s worth of drinking into the next five minutes."
Try not to be that person, though. Actually watching the game is the important part.
On some days, everything goes wrong, and human contact does nothing but aggravate you.
Let's try not to resort to violence, though.
Here's to Doctor Perry Cox, who always tells it like it is. "Scrubs" may have ended five years ago, but his utter hilarity never gets old. I do hope that people relate to these quotes and find them funny; I hope even more that they make people step back when frustrated, see the bigger picture, and try to live a little more lightheartedly.
